You think after so much time we would be able to see the value in your day. Is the behaviour you are engaging in setting you up for success or failure? To me you don’t have to be the World to everybody just one and that one person should be you. Yes I feel this intense love and connection to my son but I am a realist. I know the point of life for us is to not only live in our best image but also to serve as a reflection and reminder for everything that is to come and will be. Not what but who. The only true thing we have control over is ourselves. To try to limit and restrict anybody else would be fruitless so why do that to yourself.
I love when things are going well you have everybody in your corner. A little side step in the other direction though has people dropping in droves. The saddest reality is the belief that unless you are serving a purpose to somebody not many people gather around. My thinking is why let anybody get the chance to use you. For what it is worth everybody starts with the same value. It isn’t so much the tarnish or wear that is seen on the outside but what you fill it with that matters. You can always tell when somebody is rotten to the core. We have all seen what happens to one rotten apple, it infects the whole bunch. I simple kind of regard the situation in the same way. You only have value to that person until you no longer have value. After that time has passed you will see the person’s true colours change. People become rotten not on purpose but because it is just what happens naturally. Maybe you don’t mean what you say or to get involved in those conversations that speak bad about others but we have all been present to a few conversations that we wished we weren’t of. You know what I am saying. The ones where we should have stopped the conversation all together. Maybe stuck up for our friends. Maybe we just looked the other way holding our breath or maybe just maybe we just join in the conversation to feel like we fit in.
To me I am trying to get better with controlling my reaction to drama. Everyday I am prepared for some level of it and I have to be ready for my reaction. Anybody who knows me knows that I used to get a lil hot headed. For me I would describe myself as passionate. I know people who intentionally hurt each other by either talking about others or spreading rumours and it is so hard to watch when it comes to people you care about. Yes right now everything we are doing is made via our on-line persona’s. There are people I have had on my friends list for years and those that are just new to the game. As far as respect goes and my own mental health though once somebody kind of shows their true colours there are no questions asked but I have to cut you off from me and my life. Some people I have known for over half my life but I don’t think that gives anybody the right to steamroll over anybody. Well not me anyways. I have spent a lot of time just standing on the sidelines and being attentive to people’s behaviours. Some people go off like a beacon in their disregard for others. Some exude their slime like the true snake that they are and others will forever keep their wool on. Guard yourself first. But no matter who you are interacting with always be kind. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean you are wrong. Stand up when needed and walk away when necessary. Nobody says you need to engage. That’s just your ego getting in the way.
Everyday is another day where we move forward into the unknown. We can set up our steps for days to come or take a road less travel. You control the destination and the ride so why not enjoy as much as you can too. I wish we had an idea what the point of it all was but that is saved for a much later day. Maybe some of us will have an inkling and others of us won’t know until our time is up but it has to be worth it. We are all heading in that direction anyways. I am trying to remind myself of that. Everyday is just another day to make it count. Instead of feeling bad about bits and pieces I have been making an effort to make my surroundings better. Mainly that means making peace with my husband to some extent. There are always going to be things he does that just boil my blood but I think that’s a good thing a little bit right? If you didn’t react to somebody in anyways wouldn’t that mean there is no chemistry there to begin with. Opening my eyes to the idea that we are hard wired differently and react to things differently has helped me but things into a deeper context.
Things are working and moving in the right direction so life right now feels pretty good. There is always another wave ready to bring some garbage ashore but as long as I continue to make progress in the right direction I know that I will get to my destination one day. There is no rush just a moment. Moments worth living for. Especially when they are added into one great life that makes all the pain just fade away. There will become a time when we are finally at peace. It would be nice to experience that serenity while we were still here. To appreciate those who love us. To help those sing from the highest rooftops. To feel safe in the loving embrace of somebody who has zero intentions of hurting you. I grew tired of trying to always reach the knife that was lodged into my back. Nobody gets that choice anymore. Like I said it’s just another day might as well live it happy and at peace. That is where I hope to spend most of my time walking not constantly looking the other way. Just a light meander to appreciate the beauty that is each other and that comes with life. A small peace of heaven right here on earth.