We all have this natural voice inside us that tries to tell us right from wrong. At times it is incredibly hard to hear because we spend so much time listening to others instead of ourselves. Isn’t that odd? We should know each other the best out of anyone yet we will talk ourselves out of what we know to be right for something to be mediocre. Our little voices always trying to help us out even after years, decades of being ignored. Imagine the company you keep. There are always those that set off alarm bells in your heads. You can tell by their mannerisms and just their overall air if they are being authentic or not. I love to travel and explore different communities. My heart is open until it doesn’t have to be. Our lives shouldn’t be a stepping stone to another person’s salvation. Those who mock the purest hearts behind closed doors are the easiest ones to spot for me. Their loud, obnoxious fake persona that appeared out of nowhere will disappear and be gone with the wind.
The decision to cut anybody out of your life is a tough one. I try not to cut anybody out but leave them at arm’s length. We don’t need to open our hearts to everyone we meet. Nor do we need to become instant best friends. I trust my heart and what it is telling me though when it comes to those who chose themselves over anybody else. And I mean blatantly in doing so while hurting others along the way. There are so many people who may not understand your convictions. “She has never been like that to me or given me any reasons to think that way.” Yes but the heart only sees what it wants and if you are in we of the smoke and pony show then it is unlikely you will be able to see past your own nose.
Take my trip to the East Coast. It was clear that this women thought I was going to give her a free press release tour singing out her praises along the way. What on Earth for lol Nothing was more clear then the opportunity I missed out on was her pyramid scheme business. I will never forget the vile words she spewed out at me at the “missed opportunity”. The only missed opportunity was me not getting out of there faster. There are tons of silver linings though that came with that experience. I met a super cool new friend, saw Niagara Falls and had the confidence I need to put old friends out to pasture as I got all the confirmation I needed on their true intentions and convictions. People who just appear into your life normally don’t stay too long. Especially when you were just a pawn in the game. I never allow somebody to fully exhaust my own potential. It is my journey and only mine.
My lil voice is all I have until it gets taken away. The notion that we would want to live in the shadows cast by others doesn’t make much sense. I don’t need to make a mark on the World anymore I want the World to mark me. I just want to live in my own light free from any shadows. Free from any doubt of who I am and what I stand for. Who I am and what I chose to do with my life is a direct reflection of all my hopes and dreams. I wanted a big family and now I have one. Yes the animals far out number us humans but there is no shortage of love amongst these walls. I never have to worry if they are chatting behind my back and if they are well they know who feeds them so I am sure it is just in jest. I never thought for a second that by having so much life dependant on me that it would interfere with my life. Life being the choices and chances to travel. I never questioned it for a second because that little girl inside of me who wants to save them all still tries. The ability to be able to feel so much compassion for any living thing makes the idea of peaceful living so hard.
Sure we can never walk a mile in somebody’s shoes. Why would we want to. That journey and their scars and the mode of transportation to take to where they are going is something they needed to uncover for themselves. We can exercise compassion though. Where there is a will there is a way and trusting your darkest feelings and thoughts will lead you to your own truth. Yes we might not like everything that is being said. And yes our heart will tell us otherwise. Some of us will convince ourselves that if we just give ourselves up to the process then the best is yet to come. With no work though how can you expect any different result then the one that you already got. If you don’t try, if you don’t keep trying how will you know?
I have this lil farm girl dream of making my own pickles. Just like my mom and grandparents used to make. I want to grow my own cucumbers and can them to use in the winter. Maybe even some salsa. Would you believe that my first crop of pickles met an untimely end? They got this lil bug that stopped them from flowering, killed all my lil plants. Even my strawberry plant that I had been growing since my last birthday. For some they won’t understand what those plants met for me. Lucky for me though winter has had another idea and I have the chance to start fresh all again. My hope is maybe to have better luck this time. I am trying to trust my natural instinct that I can do this I can garden. So what if I get laughed at along the way as long as I am getting some joy out of the experience right? I am trusting my instinct of what my heart needs and I am hopeful of the outcome that is to come.