My Heart

The one thing we all know, but for some we are strong enough in our convictions is our own heart and beliefs. We can feel the Earth move under our feet when something touches it… good or bad. After reading Robin McGraw’s, “Inside my Heart”, it really did that for me. It took a look inside my heart and help guide me in a better direction. We all feel the pull that we need to go but sometimes we get swayed by the flamboyant nature of doing things another way. Maybe it is easier to walk down a path that others have been. Maybe though it is a combination of both that allows us to truly be successful in our journey. Whatever the case maybe this book was a breath of fresh air that allowed me to see into my life in a totally fresh and new way.

What an incredible time to breathe new purpose into our life and family. Spring is two stepping at our windows and for the first time in a long time it seems tat me and my husband may be stepping in sync. At first I was weary about him taking the required 10 days off for isolation, the first few days was met with nervous anticipation and heated words. It was going to be a long drawn out week. That is until I picked up this incredible insightful journey of one Mrs McGraw.

I drew strength from her experiences which showed me that we in this journey are not alone. Where we begin to walk out of step is when we stop believing in ourselves and our desires to put forth effort into our lives. For example I can stare out my back window but there will be no garden, birds or life to greet me if I didn’t put forth the effort. The same can be said about my marriage. I was checking myself out because I wanted him to be the 50 shades of grey I though I needed.  Yes we can all do with some romance but the reality of it being every second of everyday is unrealistic. In fact I know that that is true. How can we conduct our days with all that needs to be done around the house and at work and care for our child. Mix in my angry demeanour and of course we would be growing apart.

My absolute favourite part was the coming together as a team. How can anybody get ahead if you are constantly looking over your back? At the time that this book was published they have been married for 30 years (the cover says 2006 so that is almost 50 years). My biggest fear was in having a spouse leave me. I will bring that into fruition if I keep carrying on the way that I do. Yes my feelings are valid but what I am doing currently isn’t working so why not try a different way. A way where I am proud of being a wife and a mother. Where I am proud of my home and the yard and all that it means. I am living the life that I always dreamed and I believe with a little bit of an attitude switch I believe I can get there.

Yesterday as we drove to get milk (a necessity for my son and we waited in the car) me and my husband chatted. I remember telling him that I was happy to have my son at the age that I am. The lifestyle that I was engaged in in my 20’s and 30’s wouldn’t fly if I was partying like that after my kids graduated. It is kind of odd but done the line of motherhood it seems that the young mothers in my family always turn to alcohol sometimes in their later years. I have no desire for that (not anymore). I sowed my oats in my younger years and now I was more than ready to settle done and live and love my life.

There is so much value in gaining insight into another’s thinking. They can open doors you had shut and thrown away the key. I am proud to be a wife and a mother. I love that I had been blessed with this opportunity. Especially now. I couldn’t imagine being left alone in this pandemic. Within these walls is a home. A home whose foundation should be of love and trust. I know that I can trust my husband do at least have the right intentions. Funny how all the things that make me so angry are probably all the reasons why I chose him in the first place. There would be a time when I used to laugh and smile at his attempts to make me happy. I mean I asked him to get “cuke” seeds for pickles yesterday. When he couldn’t find the word cuke he asked the store lady. She of course had no idea what he was even trying to say. When he got home he asked me and I laughed and told him it was short for cucumber lol. He did try. And now I have over 10 different packets of different cucumbers but none of them are those baby pickling cucumbers.

Maybe it is I don’t need to understand him entirely. Maybe I just need to take a deep breath and appreciate hi for who he is and his existence. We are only 3 years in and we have a whole life time to raise our sons and I know that it is worth it to try. Their is way more value to me in putting in the time in effort into what is right in front of me instead of going exploring for something else. A family can’t get stronger without commitment and dedication to the journey. My family is worth that to me and more. I love the way it feels and sounds to say that. My family is my World and Robin has opened up the door to help me see the way.

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