Till Death Do Us Part

What happened to that? What would even be the point of even reciting these vows if it was something you knew you were never going to honour in the first place. Imagine. You know deep down that you are polyamorous. You knew deep down that these exact words you would call into question at some point down the road. So why would you spend your first days as a legal family by starting it off by reciting words of lies in front of all your family and friends? The death parts seems to indicate the death of your sense of self. When you no longer feel the sense or passion of who you once are then does that justify adultery or abandonment. If our children learn from us what is exactly the message we are sending when we don’t stand behind the words that started it all to begin with?

We have no social history. No historical data or significance to open up the window to the past. Try to look for the first wedding in history and of course there is no record of there even being one.  All that is left is broken remains and remnants of a time long gone. We can only speculate who they were in nature and what it was their lives meant to them. To try and identify whether or not they held unions to each other we can not confirm. Well not at this time. We can acknowledge and identify that with the skeletal remains found that maybe they were more sensitive in nature then we originally thought. The lack of fractures and damage to the bones indicate this.  What can most likely be determined is they had a loyalty and compassion to their tribe and may have engaged in ceremonies that would unite all the members together to protect them from surrounding tribes.  There were footprints uncovered that pointed towards maybe a family dynamic but that is all hearsay.

What makes us so that we feel the need to no longer honour our vows. Where did these vows come from and what makes it have this strong connotation that makes us want to spend every least penny we have in order to show off our love? Does love really need showing off? I understand the celebration and togetherness that we all love to show off but at that expense? With so many strangers? Wouldn’t you want to set up your family union for success and spend money in ways that would set up your future instead of bringing you into the land of debt. Who really gains from these lavish expenditures. With divorce rates sky high it seems the only people who benefit are the ones who are collecting payment. Maybe the idea behind marriage was more about a money grab then trying to help two people find their happily ever after.

I have spent most of my life alone and only about 4 years as part of my immediate family. The definition of mine is by having my own husband and child. Of course I have other immediate family and friends that are like family but for the most part I was living alone. Factor in my two cats and I know I was destined to be the craziest cat lady the World has ever seen. Well eventually lol I imagine my retirement being a gifted a house somewhere down the inheritance line and filling it with neighborhood cats. I would have rollers in my hair and be found mostly to be talking to myself. Don’t be fooled though I am usually talking to a cat so joke is on you. All seriousness for a minute. In all my many, many, many years spent alone I can tell you that the worst night married was better than the best night spent alone. Even while alone at the end of the day there is peace to be heard in the life that is sharing the space with you. There was always something calming about being able to hear my parents walking around the house at night. As the house settled and my nerves became uneasy I knew I was just a hallway away from safety.

We can find a million reason why we should leave and maybe one or two why we should stay.  We tend to forget the moments that brought us here in the first place. Mind you back then my husband was lying about smoking cigarettes to make me happy. What he forgot though is I was smoking before he was even born (k not that early but still lol) so I know all the tricks and there is no way getting away from that smell. I do harp on him way too much for it. Not borderline annoying. It is annoying. Just yesterday he told me I bitch too much. That maybe so but in my mind I am giving him the tools necessary in order to turn this ship around. So why stay, right? It is so easy to pack up and leave and slam that door and never look back.  Except for it is not that easy. Somewhere along the road I fell in love over and over again. Not with my husband so much but with myself and the life that has been brought to me. Just the simple joys of gardening outside has filled my heart with so much life and joy that nothing else could ever make sense. I see it when one or two or maybe even the whole gang vies for a spot on the bed at the end of the night. Yes my husband is incredibly annoying and at times very forgetful of his surroundings. I have to learn to not sweat the small stuff. I tend to sweat a lot. Maybe that is why I have taking to “bitching”. In my mind I am just giving him constant constructive advice to help make our living situation better lol Marriage the constant work in progress for a tradition that we have no idea why we participate in it in the first place. Without knowing the origin it is hard to process the validity. To have it handed down from the church seems like just another way to try and control us. Our maybe it is a way to help keep the family dynamic in tact while allowing the human race to flourish. Marriage is the quickest way to identify whether or not we are related to each other in the first place. Without marriage we come this wild incestuous cesspool of DNA with no real meaning or purpose. I love the challenge that comes with having a marriage that will withstand the hands of time.  Marriage is more about finding a companion you can trust to hold your hand through the bad times and celebrate your victories when they come. I think having somebody in your corner that knows your history is of value and something we should cherish and not throw away like yesterday’s news. Till death do us part or maybe that is only the beginning. Marriage will always be a work in progress and something worth fighting for. it is more about he two and more about the whole when two come together to be one.


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