When Your Reality Becomes Your Nightmare

When your greatest nightmare becomes your own living reality there is only what I foresee as being the only calm after the storm. The only calm that I can see that would actually serve as any purpose is that of survival. If you have survived the pain of experiencing something that cuts you so deep you will never be the same well that you see comes your greatest strength. All of a sudden you fear nothing. If everything leading up to that moment felt right now all of a sudden your whole World is completely changed. There has to be a reason a purpose for it all to be. To be able to wake each day like you never wanted it to begin in the first place takes a great strength of character. Something that I think only those incredibly strong and worthy will ever have to bare that burden. Nothing can stop you. What could possibly get in the way of a heart break so deep. Even if something did and it was all to be over then that is the saving grace in itself don’t you think.

You will never trust an enemy so why would you even consider trusting fate. Fate has to bring you to each pivotal moment. The good, bad and the torturous. There is nothing or nowhere off limits that fate will take you. It has to betray you in order for you to walk ahead. Yet we still go blindly. With open hearts and arms we hope that this time will be the time that it will all make sense.  But it is never going to be. Nothing will ever make sense. We are all destined to sit there and ponder over the what if’s and what could have been. We have this sick twisted obsession over what has happened in the past. Like if we could just go back there we would do it all differently.  We would say no instead of yes and yes instead of no and we would have held on for an eternity…but eternity is never in the cards in the way that we have accustomed our eyes to look for it. If we always want what we can’t have and tend to have what we no longer want it is easiest just to give up and stop searching for what our heart already knows.

The minor heartbreak that we feel when somebody we thought we loved leaves is nothing compared to some pain we will eventually have to experience. Maybe the reason why some have to leave us so young is because they are so pure of heart. They are not like others that we live out our lives with. They aren’t meant to be hardened by a World so hell bound and determined to take it all away from them and make them suffer. No those kind soft hearted souls we save from this hell.  There are people who can withstand what the World will throw out them and not let it change their hearts. You have those that will let the World harden them and go on these tirades of self destruction that will hurt themselves and others. And then you have our sweet blessed angels.  We save them from all the heart ache.

The World is just this crazy place that we are never going to understand.  Imagine if we could understand why it is we are meant to go through these horrific experiences. All these experiences that we get to have will one day be gone just like the artifacts we uncover. Almost like the whole World keeps turning itself inside out. What used to be garbage is now regarded as treasure or worse yet the reverse. Imagine what it is you hold most dear. Whatever that is in this World it can’t go with you. Even if you were to “take” it with you their were loot graves robbers who would come and take what they wanted.  Or what about all the bodies that rise up when there is a breach in the soil. Be it by mother nature or a force of somebody’s hand. The truth is sooner or later the life we knew. They life we know is now no longer. Time fades and turns everything to dust.

We are all addicted to something. Something to keep us going. Something to take the mundane and make it bearable. We all have to have some sort of vice. Some like to numb it all away and make excuses for their lack of luck. Some people will smile through all the rough patches only to truly find their inner peace in their last moments on this Earth. I say inner peace is finally reached because we will finally have all of our answers. Either we will see what happens and where we go when we leave onto the other side. Or there will be nothing. We will not know or remember anything that had to do with this life. That is the sin in being alive. Or maybe it is the gift. For some to never be able to have your life come into full fruition will torment the best of us. There is a lesson to be learned in great tragedy. They become legend’s when there tale is told to try and help others live their best lives. For those who lives have been cut short it is only so if their passion stops reaching those that they had touched. As long as we remember their purity as they were here amongst us we will be rewarded with the fondest, loving memories that will help comfort us the rest of the way for however long it takes.

I see some of the most beautiful souls carrying some of the heaviest weight one can ever imagine. Their heartache and strength somehow binds together and guides me like a beacon. Reminding me that life is the gift. Love is the privilege and everything helps is just hopes and wishes reminding me of who I am and where I have been and everything else in between.

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