Where is your comfort zone? How much are you willing to tolerate for the greater good. Is there a greater good? Is there a purpose that could serve something out there greater than you ever could? If you let yourself go to the process are you scared of the end result or the reward? Is the reward truly what we are looking for or is it the growth that comes when allowing your walls to come down and to let the inevitable back in. When we fight our destiny what happens? Who do we become? Do we lash out in anger or console ourselves with our tears? Do we know when to pick ourselves up from the ashes in order to try again or do we just lie down and let mother nature take us back. Can we go back without knowing? Is there peace when you finally get there? Can we truly be satisfied with what we have or are we left with wanting more. On one hand we are told materialistic possessions shouldn’t make us happy. If we didn’t obtain these possessions we would still be hoarding cash. No matter what way we spin it we do have to play the game a little bit. The trick is to not let the game it you up and rob you of your purpose. To me if the materialistic possession that sets your heart on fire doesn’t put your family in a bind and as long as you didn’t long for it to show off or show up another a little bit of possession must be alright…no?
I just want to enjoy what I wear until the seams fray and the colour fades until you can barely recognize the print of it anymore. I remember my grandmother and her dresses. She had the sturdy fabric ones that could withstand the elements then her beautiful silky dresses that she saved for special occasions. Why conduct your day feeling all glum when you can do it feeling all sassy. It is incredible how much of a difference I feel from when I used to walk for exercise compared to now when I walk for pleasure. Me and Latte with our feet hitting the pavement with a grin from ear to ear. I feel like a whole different person when done up in my favourite clothes compared to if I was just wearing jeans and a tee. It is the same mentality from when I was in my 20’s and the decision was made to get waxed down under. Sarah Jessica Parker said it in Sex in the City. When you feel great in what you are wearing (specifically down there) it just give you this sassy sway in your step. Trust me. You will be able to tell. The over confident gal knows she scaped down there and the one holding back well it is going to take a lot more shots and a few more drinks before getting down to the dirty.
Maybe it takes loving who you are on the outside before you can dig deeper and see what lays underneath. It also could be something that comes with age. As your looks begin to fade and the hands of time begin to ravish your body you no longer see yourself as the young bombshell you once were. We all have a tad more confidence when we are younger. It gets eaten away by time and all the hardships we are forced to overcome. Like rocks on a windshield it only takes one to make the whole thing crack. Without youth on your side who do you become? It depends on what kind of care you had taken care of yourself and the work that you are committed to putting in now. The endpoint always changes. We never truly know what the final hand will be. Sometimes we think we know we are going and *BANG* things change. I never would have imagined my parents getting a divorce. My life would have ended up so much differently. I may or may not be a mom. Probably maybe but not with my husband. I never would have left BC if they were together. I always loved to visit. It grew harder when they were apart. Life grew impossible when they grew apart.
Everything, EVERYTHING though happens for a reason. The good, bad and the ugly. We just can’t see it now. Maybe in time the truth will unfold onto us while we can still appreciate it. Maybe not. I hope so. It is a true shame that some people get tortured with living their biggest nightmares over and over again without ever knowing the purpose or why. What if the reason was that there was no reason at all. That it all just happens by chance. Just like the flip of the coin or the roll of the dice the outcome is never guaranteed. Yes if you flip a coin it is 50/50 but the reality is the outcome is kind of always the same? If we can’t control our destiny and the best we can do is have blind faith would it make the most sense to truly try to be present in the moment. This moment. Like in the right here and the right now. I know it is so hard to do. We have been trained to want everything immediately. We plot, plan an execute a plan to get what we want. We don’t care about the process. We torture our own beings and the ones around us with our manic behaviour trying to make sense of it all. WE obsess about the past we obsess about the future and everything in between. Maybe it is not so much as having to tolerate as it is more a letting of things be. The natural occurrence of what may with the hopes and desire of what could be will end up dancing in harmony in ways we could have never foreseen.