I want to return to the land of the living. Before cell phones and WiFi and technology. Before things became more important than people. And even before people worked themselves into oblivion, desensitized from the outside World. We erupt into violence when the vast majority fears for their own safety. Humanity being compromised every step of the way. Was there ever a time were living a humble existence was satisfactory, in fact that was the closest who have ever been to understanding the true purpose of life.
There is no doubt in my mind that we are always being tested. There is barely any release before the next set of pressures is handed down. I have come to understand this as the waste matter of being alive. In order to get the most out of life you have to have experienced a multitude of feelings, the good the bad and the ugly. Try and remember that a diamond is a lump of coal before it reveals it’s true shine. One day when it is all over your life’s legacy will be the beacon that reminds others of your existence. We rarely talk about those that fall but those that found a way to make it to the top with all the restraints in their way. Pain, pressure, stress, exhaustion all helps define your character. There is no other way to build upon yourself then jumping into life and finding a way to swim. Once you conquer that you just may have the ability to save another one day. You never know where the tide will take you if you just close your eyes and jump.
The other day as I was walking I couldn’t help but think of my childhood. If I would have known just how amazing my life was then maybe I would have ventured to live my life differently. They say you can’t live in the past and you need to forget it and move on. Why think of a time that brings you sorrow. If I do visit there I do get sad. There are so many reasons. I wish I stayed in better touch with my family. I wish I didn’t miss out on all their life’s moments. It makes me regret my 20’s and 30’s and then….Well I don’t regret my life now so I can’t regret my life then. Everything that happened help define me as a person. Gave me enriching experiences that I can one day talk about with my son. Life needs to be open. People trust and learn from your experiences. To recite from a book or your own experiences, seems pretty simple to me. So if living with my ghosts doesn’t bring happiness how do I stop that chain of thinking and bring it forward. I have to ask myself those deep questions. What exactly do I miss? A relationship with my father? Can I fix it? No, then I have to move on. No matter how much my heart breaks you can’t force another person to see the good on you. Just because one person can’t doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. The right people always find a way to gravitate towards you if you just open your heart and mind to them.
Growing up in the country you miss the freedom the most. When the whole World seems to have lost their mind you can easily find a lil pond or hill to venture to, to get lost in your thoughts. If there is no peace how can you find serenity and without serenity you feel like you are going mad. When I think of the life I gave up to live here you have to focus on the exact pieces of my childhood I miss. Regretting the bike rides I never took or hikes I could have gone on indicates to me that maybe that should be a priority now in my sons life. Life moves so fast and you blink and it’s over. Every day is a piece in that timeline that we are all working towards. We have to assess those that are important, things that are important. We evaluate every interaction we have with each other but we hardly take the time to look at ourselves. Where are the living? Do they even exist or are we all just drones of our former selves.
Somebody lied to us somewhere and it is the person who first told as we need to acquire things. The first person who lead us down the path that status should matter. That if you held a different class than you should be treated differently. As soon as that zombie mentality began to sink in there was very little joy left in life. How man men lost their lives in the “Great Depression” of the 1920’s as they leapt to their death to avoid financial ruin. We have told ourselves from the turn of time that money is everything. What will it take for us to truly see that money is the root of all evil. Money robs us from our senses and drives us to do evil things. A man who steals to feed his family will beg for forgiveness when caught. A man who steals for his own financial gain will either kill you or claim he is innocent even with the gold sitting in his hands.
We all claim to understand what others are going through. Saying we understand like we are going through the exact same thing in that moment. Sometimes I get flabbergasted with the pressure of trying to find the right words. I have come to terms with just saying that I am at a lost for words and I feel sorry. All I truly have is compassion for that situation. Even by imagining myself in their shoes my pain will never be as real or as raw as theirs. That’s living. Accepting your humility in it’s purest form. Allowing yourself to feel what others are going through yet acknowledging that what you are feeling is truly not the same. I so badly want to return to the land of the living before all this happened. I am just thinking that maybe this land was never like that. Almost like we started with two classes. Rich and poor. Then because both became somewhat immune to each other’s hate they had to separate the classes further into men, women, colour, sexual preference etc. Maybe we were just born to be zombie drones limited to our ability to stand out, out of fear of the consequences. Maybe I am just done of living in fear conforming to others opinions of me, them and the rest of the World. I am for one ready to return to the living even if I am the only one who does so.