A Lifetime of Success vs an Eternity of Failure

“Dance, when you’re broken open.Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.Dance in the middle of fighting.Dance in your blood.Dance when you’re perfectly free.”

-The Essential Rumi, Coleman Barks

I have spent my whole life trying to understand the actions of others. I have been broken to what I believed was beyond  repair. I have spend a lifetime being angry for things that no longer serve me any purpose. I have tried to fit into the crowd of people only to stick out like a sore thumb. On day four of social media isolation I can tell you that in most minds I no longer exist. Nobody has even bothered to check in and I am uncertain if I am even bothered at this point. I tried to fast for clarity but it seems I have been starved to long of self awareness. My identity bled into others making it harder for me to see the truth. The truth that has lain dormant inside of us all to numbed from the outside elements. We are too scared to start the dance alone. We have been conditioned since we were in the womb to dance solo shows weakness. All along though it is the one dancing alone in the sea of others that has the most knowledge of self possible.

We ride on the emotions of others out of fear. It is easier to catch a ride on a wave already tamed then to try and find your own. We all bare the reminder of life inside the womb. We have the scar but we tell ourselves not to remember the journey. We toss out the 9 months spent in isolation as wasted energy to be expelled. Our self instinct and premonitions sitting on the way side as we allow ourselves to be nurtured by life’s greatest gift. Do you remember the gift of life that you were granted. The mother that was bestowed upon you to nurture you and raise you into a fine young being. When did you decide that the loving arms of your mother were never deemed necessary? When did you shun all of nature’s gift that were bestowed upon you? The ability to laugh and express joy with the simplest of beings. A fuzzy cat, a playful puppy, the singing chirps of a songbird. When did all the joy of life get taking out of you and replaced with so much anger and hate. Why was it deemed necessary that amongst lives greatest gifts we have decided it was in our best interests to seek and destroy.

We have spent centuries dulling our inside shine. We decorated our outsides to make up for what is lacking on the out. We judge those in rags when they possess riches inside that far surpass anything we have ever seen out here. We laugh at those with no homes, no purpose. The ones that have fallen so far from grace they have no idea how to get back on course. They numb their pain with anything that can reach their grasp. They no longer care if they are living or dead because they fail to see the purpose in themselves. For us we don’t care how they feel. Those beings sitting on the corner with their hands out we take pictures as we give them day old onion bagels that not even the birds would eat. This is who we have now become. We will judge you on your exterior first to determine if what is coming out of your lips has a purpose or not. Forget the journey you took to get here. We want to forget those we deemed to live ungracefully, yet those are the biggest teachers of life we could ever hope for. They weren’t born on the streets sleeping on a park bench. Something happened in their lives to get them there. Aren’t you curious out of love if there is anything you can do to help? You will never know the demons running lose causing havoc on one’s soul? Yes we can’t be somebody to everybody but doesn’t it at least make sense to be a somebody instead of a nobody?

What harm is there in a friendly smile or even the casual conversation between two? Isn’t that the point of life? To first know who you are on the inside in order to properly meet those on the out? How can we live a life filled with so much promise only to have lived it so completely obsolete and unleashed. We have the tools necessary to open our minds yet we need to dull the senses. Who were you before the World took your smile? That smile that you adorn is it genuine or fake. Do you even have a proper sense of self or are you content in your own misery. Sitting here with mostly my thoughts and the input of only a few I can’t help but think how completely diluted we all actually are. Every time we extend a piece of ourselves we lose a piece of our soul. We get it back in the company we keep unless the company we keep  is only for their own selfish gain. That is who we are as humans. We want to reign supreme with no thought or consequences. We want to walk over those that we deem disposable. We will shun the advances of a genuine heart out of fear of the unknown. It is far easier to keep volumes of poor company than to stimulate the intellectual mind. Their is a peaceful ignorance from a mind kept to itself. No longer do I obsess over the thoughts and opinions of others,. Without the constant barrage of tit for tat I am able to focus on my own inner voice. It never should have been about competing anyways.

For now our worst day alive is far better than our worst day dead. At least for now. Until we figure out how to connect with our celestial being inside we are doomed. Our superficial body that we have used for centuries to define each other will one day rot. Just like in our treatment of others without our means to determine friend from foe we will in turn get mad. Unless we learn to release those identifiers we will always be doomed. Love saves those greatest from this torment by not allowing them to see the turmoil that has plagued us for centuries. We have to learn to dull the outside noise before we can truly see who we were destined to be. A life time of success versus an eternity of failure. When will we see where we went wrong?

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