“Ah what avails the sceptred race!
Ah, what form divine!
What every virtue, every grace!
Rose Aylmer, all were thine”
“The Year of Magical Thinking”, Joan Didion
My thoughts are becoming my own. It has been a long journey. At times it felt like I would fall over from sheer exhaustion. Tired from the constant battle of putting myself out there for all the wrong reasons. The wrong reasons as interpreted by me. From a very young age we are almost conditioned to compete. Compete with each other for the simplest of things. Think of being a child. We compete for affection, love, attention. Look what happens. When we become starved of the simplest of emotions we become insensitive to the needs of others. We silence our voice telling ourselves that what we are feeling must be false. Why is our being the thing that is wrong? Why don’t we want to protect ourselves first above all others. Not in a selfish way but in a way that will help heal others and help them find there way.
We are all broken in some form or another. But that is the beauty and perfection of life. We were destined to experience joy and pain and everything in between. The ultimate goal is to strengthen your eternal character while you still have time. Time only exists in this period. This period of time, such a small spec. The reality of most being lost. Those that have no idea how to listen to their inside voice polluting the rest of us. There is no rest amongst men who are broken. How can there be any. The torturous cries ricochet off every landing. No more rest for those of the living. How can one live any resemblance of happiness when so many are in pain. I long for physical pain that heals in time. This emotional cesspool that seems to have taken so many will long remind us time and time again of just how much we have failed.
We are blindly following an existence that no longer makes sense to us. The idea that we can destroy and damage what was once an icon for so many. We have decided in one full swoop that for right now we need to destroy. Why can’t we remove the things that remind us of a period of time that brings us great shame. Can’t we hide it away from prying eyes. We are becoming just like them with our ideologies of what is honorable and right. These artifacts that some men slaved away their whole lifetime should be to rest in a museum. None of this right. We are either so far left or so far right but we will never meet in the middle. I know that we are destroying these symbols of confederate tyrants. But doesn’t that make us the same as Hitler destroying all the Jewish artifacts. Their history. Before we decided to hate them somebody loved them somewhere. How is it so that we go from tyrants to tyrants. When is it going to change. When are we as humans going to change our thinking behaviour. I know it takes a lot to be the bigger person does one even exist?
Hate is easy. That is why we are so readily able to accept it. Those who are broken can so easily cross that line. I hate dancing across the line. I tried to figure out how it is we have ended up where we are. The only semblance of an answer I have is that we are so far removed from who we are. It shouldn’t matter so much the opinion of sheep. Your opinion should be the one that holds weight. In order to hear the voice of most importance you need to listen to the words that are left unsaid. The answers that we most are in search of are from the questions we ourselves have asked. Why is it we are so upset when people want to be like us to live in their best image. No matter how close they come to your replication they will in fact become one of their own. Not every person likes to tease and tweeze but we all like to feel our own best version of ourselves.
So if a broken man tries to find you and bring you down with his weight do you know how best to respond? Your inner core and confidence will serve as your best defense. No man broken, pieced or otherwise could penetrate the fortress of being that you have created. When you know with certainty who it is you want to become and the memories you want to leave behind then the rest almost seems easy. To dance amongst a crowd of standing still gawkers. There will always be the good, the bad and the coyote ugly. You know the wolf in sheep’s clothes. Leering at you. Waiting for you to stumble so you can become it’s prey. It’s the same as the broken man. If you let him catch you he will infect you with his pieces. His shards of inhumanity that threaten to take away your smile. If you knew that man who was broken was the man that lay await inside of you would you chose to ignite him? Imagine if all the power you had brewing inside of you, you could unleash. I know what you are thinking there is now way that this could be possible. I am telling you from everything that has ever been a thought. Before words formed beautiful pieces of poetry and tales to be handed down throughout history you were already thought of. Everything in it’s place in the most perfect intrinsic time. Even those that perished at the hands of some unforeseen evil had it’s purpose here in this realm. I use the Word realm if only for a hint of romanticism. We are not alone because we are in the company of oneself. Our one greatest ally yet we treat them like our greatest foe. What do you have to lose by confronting the broken man? A deeper understanding of self? A deeper compassion for our fellow man? I am alright with the idea of fixing up some broken pieces providing they are my own but please promise me. If something were to happen and the broken man carried me down into a deep dark hole; promise me you will search for me like I would you. Don’t give up on the things that we are destined to discover. Life feels like an eternity but it truly is only a blip.