I find the brash evasiveness of strangers to be rather alarming. In one sense I want to be able to hold out open arms but in the same stretch I want to recoil. So many people act entitled to the point where your personal boundaries and limits are always tested. Nobody wants to take the time to genuinely connect anymore. With the sea of plenty lapping at each on of our shore’s we want to take it all in before anybody else does. A long for those nights where you stay up until the sun rises with your shoulders just barely touching as you chat and talk and uncover all that is to know about a person. That is my goal. So many people just lay on their backs to get satisfied. Why desire to go where others have gone before. So many others. I remember growing up thinking that it was something special that you shared with your partner. Now we have people making it on the streets (and I don’t mean professionally. I mean those that can’t wait to get home to get their rocks off).
The conversation shared between millions but I blush just at the thought. I have always believed that allowing yourself to be free in such a way binds your souls together for all time. I thought about the multitude of partners that we all consume these days and I wonder just how factual that thought is. Maybe in time those bonds we shared with others fade away. Maybe that is why we weren’t meant to bleed our seed into the sand. For whatever the reasons we hold so much value on physical intimacy and usually with multiple sources. We try and tell ourselves that not one partner can meet all of our needs. If that is true than you must throw out the idea of soul mates and us coming from the rib of the other. There are so many facts to dispute but at the cost of how many?
I have known lust and I have briefly known love. I am not sure if I am entirely convinced that you can happily have both. As beings we all have such diverse needs and wants and it would be impossible for somebody to fit in perfectly. If we are opposites than that would of course stand true. Take me and my husband. He has given me a million reasons to leave and only a few on why I should stay. In a World full of billions we both could easily find somebody else to fill in our shoes. Where does that get us though? Maybe stuck in the same hamster wheel of emotions that we were in together. Maybe not. Maybe the answer to anything we seek does lay dormant inside us. Waiting for the right opportunity to be seen and be heard. Life and it’s delicately complicated details that have us always holding out for more.
To be able to transition through those moments that brings us to our knees we really need to have a full understanding of the what for. We are a constant work improvement only sheltered by the skeleton of a framework that we have built. We can always add to the fixture but we need our foundation to be solid. You need to have some sort of truth that you stand for. Something that will make dig your heels in and say absolutely not. We all have them. Bad posture, yellow teeth, boring sex, wild sex. Whatever it is that unlocks our Pandora’s box to our soul is where we need to gravitate towards. There is a lot of nervous apprehension of finally listening to yourself and saying that’s enough. Even if you know it is enough sometimes the circumstances make it so you have to bide your time and wait.
We have to have goals. We have to have dreams. We have to have all those thoughts that make getting out of bed worthwhile. Where do we go when we have no idea the direction that the rest of the World is going to take? Who do we become when we have no idea who it is we want to be. We have taken some things to personal and other things not personal enough. We fight these battles that we have no chance of winning just to say at least we tried. There has to be a way for the rest of the World to final be heard so this hate and violence will stop. Hate attracts more hate. Hate makes us weak from the inside. Hate shows a side of ourselves that we never knew possible until all buttons were pushed and we were left standing naked in our own fear.
I wish that more of us stopped being won over by easy words and broken promises. We always say what needs to be said in order to get what we want right? That is why actions speak (or the lack there of) louder than anything that we might think to say. But sometimes it is those actions though that become a complete turn off. To me intimacy is simple. Stimulate my mind and you can easily reach my soul. You can whisper sweet nothings all you want but tug at my heart strings by telling me your trials and tribulations and I just might be yours forever. I know I am incredibly odd in the way I approach my life. For me I have done everything else so why not do things a little differently. For example I practice ecstatic intimacy with even my little furry friends. I saw it in a show once. What I understand it to be is when you synchronize your breathing your energies are able to connect more willingly. Your senses are heightened and it deepens your connection. It is not what you are thinking. Would you believe I practice this exercise with my pets. If one of my beloved felines is in my lap for a cuddle I will synchronize our breathing as we both lose ourselves in the moment and deepen our connection. Say whatever you want but I feel very strongly connected to my 9 cats, 3 dogs and skinny pig (the birds I have yet to conquer).