As I stood there looking down the barrel of 37 in my one bedroom apartment I never could have dreamed this life possible. Yes of course my soul ached for it. At that time though working dead end jobs for minimum wage. Scraping together just enough for rent at the end of the month while counting down the days till next pay to get food. I was living the life of a 19 year old in my late 30’s. Growing tired of the lonely nights and mindless mornings I desired a change. I remember going to the Zoo with a girlfriend and her boys thinking I wanted that life. She was blessed she married her high school sweetheart and here I was. Where was I? Thinking back to that moment and even further to who I dated in high school there was zero possibility of me turning down that path. I was already so damaged from growing up no wonder I went wild and completely carefree.
I tried to stay around doing the hometown thing but my Gemini ways grew bored. I always desired an education that went beyond the means of what my community offered. It wasn’t for trying to tame my wild heart. Deep down though I think I knew I had to experience a whole hell of a lot more before I was ready to settle down. Passing down the knowledge of a lived experience has way more weighted value than just a forward telling of tales. The experiences I have had combined with the knowledge I acquire through divulging in the stories of the incredible lives lived before me adds a dynamic to my son’s upbringing that I think will prove to be valuable.
What I think is missing in today’s World is our children’s ability to dream. Especially now in today’s times. Life has gotten incredible cold and hard. Imagine our children living in these volatile hotspots littered with racism and hate. Handed down upon the minds of our children threatening to contaminate their thinking for another 100 years. This is our World too. When do we get our power back. And by we I mean those that don’t distinguish each other between race, sex or class. Isn’t there a way for us to put a stop to all this violence by putting an end to all this arrogance. And by arrogance I point a finger to anybody who believes that they believe they can dominate ANY human being. We are human beings that have been forced to watch our brothers and sisters be teased, murdered and raped for no reason. They signaled them out because of their fear. If you think this behaviour is ok you must also think it is ok to separate children from their parents or skin animals alive before you boil them. This is what we will be known for in history just so you know. They won’t single you and me out and be oh these people were nice. No they will write about us in history books classifying us all together as one. Knowing this we still fight amongst each other like we can issue the final blow. There is no finality in this. It is disgusting. There was a time that that person you kneeled on and stole their last breath was taking their first breath in their mothers arms. Nobody has that right NOBODY!!!
So imagine this…what if we had the power to rewrite our ending. There must be a way for us to come together in unity far beyond what we are doing now. There are more of us who love each other than those who hate so where would we go to find each other? There was a time when I journeyed out to see who it is that I could find. I would look for like minded hearts and souls and gravitate towards those beings. With a humble heart I look towards brightening those in my general vicinities days. I live each day with a humble heart and a passionate purpose to try and reach a suffering heart. My heart although privileged still had a longing that ran deep. Now that my heart is reaching contentment I know I must try and help those find their inner shine too. We can find happiness amongst each other’s pain if we use our smiles as our shelter. I know positivity and happiness doesn’t mean much right now when there are those that are suffering pretty deep. If the Universe had a Ying Yang affect though don’t we need Somebody cheering for us on the sidelines preventing us from falling in the abyss?
I know me pulling myself out of my nothing is somebody’s all they will ever have. My intentions isn’t to make anybody feel any shame but to hold out an open hand. Like a, I see you friend and I am here let me know how I can help you and I will do so in anyway that I can. So now looking up at the balloon saying 41 and it is floating away I am presented with such an incredible opportunity. I am in a position to openly reach out to the World to see who needs a helping hand. I am emotionally available to those who feel they may not be until they are ready to take over once gain. Life will always present us with opportunities that will give us the opportunity to grow stronger or wither away weak. In 41 years I have learned the most important rule of living is to live open to all possibilities and make the humblest heart decisions that will open up a whole new dream world never imagined possibly. You have to actively believe that all dreams are a possibility and there is magic in each of ours existence. A magic that when intertwined becomes a beautiful display of lights the World has ever seen.