It’s in the quietest moments of the longest days that I miss you the most. In my exhaustive state I long to collapse in the arms of my lover. Sheltered from the elements of the World who prefer to erode my calm state. Content in their own misery away of being harbouring the ill intentions of the life time before. Destined to live out the same mistakes over and over again. Guided by the sanctity of your good intentions and my misdeeds. You were to vast for the World and I merely it’s seed. Until we meet again in this lifetime or the next I will wait for you.
That smile you wore before the World broke it in half and smashed it to smithereens, what happened to it? Did you collect all the pieces in the hope that you would bring it all back together in one magically swoop of art? Or did you throw it away in yesterday’s trash ashamed of who you allowed yourself to become. How can you feel uncertain about a lifetime that has far exceeded our natural growth in our eyes? We have digressed in the natural order of things in the way that we do them. Why would we ever think that the normal course of action would be to rule with an iron fist and watch those crumble beneath the weight. In what reality other than ours do we get the most joy in watching others fail. Humanity no longer exists in the masses of our people. Suffering shouldn’t be as common in the amounts we exude daily.
Why is the hardest obstacle for man to conquer is the ability to love with an open, unconditional heart? To recognize that life is just a mere flash of an instance that will dissolve just like sugar in your morning coffee. We are nothing without each other. If you were the last one left standing does it mean you won the game? Sitting upon your fortune with the bones of your enemies building your fortress did you win? Was it all worth it to be that one taking the last breath of blood soaked air standing proud, chest out. I wonder if before Hitler put that service pistol to his temple if he regretted his life actions. Was he humiliated when his life flashed before his eyes? Did he recoil in horror when it was revealed to him that we were one in the same. As he took on his new form was he created with no eyes, no ears, no taste? How can one who had the blood of so many on his hands live in eternal bliss? There is no doubt in my mind that he didn’t. You don’t live that life hurting God’s children for nothing more than a sick twisted sport and get to rest in tranquility?
What have we always learned? There will be consequences for all of our actions. We don’t realize that at the time and maybe we never will. Maybe it is not our actions that are being retaliated but those of someone else. Death doesn’t have to be end or the torturous finality that we know. We let our minds control our thoughts instead of the later. Why would something has beautiful as life and love leave such a dreaded and final ending as death? Think of the memories shared with that person. To sit and mourn their loss is the ultimate disservice. How does that help them rest in the afterlife knowing that unwillingly, unknowingly they scared you with such a loss. Nobody wants to feel the pain of their loved ones, not even and death. The only way I was able to get over the loss of some of the greatest beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing was to come to terms that our journey together was not over. Maybe in life but not for eternity. How could you find me if I pushed you away with all of my sorrow. Yes I have tears and they are all for the pure selfish reasons that I miss you. If I promise to sit still and be absolutely quiet will you whisper in my ear one more time. I promise that the tears that threaten to fall down my cheeks are only of sheer joy of knowing you at one time. Don’t be scared of my tears as they only remind me how could it felt to be touched by you. That the single tear that will fall will come to an end. When it falls down my cheek I will stop them from falling. I say them as I can’t help but have one from each eye. As they absorb onto the ground I will let my smile comfort the rest as I am once again reminded what it felt like to know you.
It is because you and your memory and the love that continues to flow in between that I hug those a little tighter. When I am reminded of your smile I can’t be helped but be blessed with the same. I want to infect those around me with your memory and can only do that with your smile. Can I borrow yours until mine returns because at times it is incredibly hard to breathe. The busy days aren’t the ones that scare me though they are the easiest to get through. It is at the end of those days when everybody else is asleep that your memory comes alive. I want to close my eyes and die a million times over just to get to you. But I know how incredibly selfish and awful that would be. You didn’t die on purpose just like I didn’t chose to love. Our stories have already been written and time will soon tell. I just live for the day when our chapters are brought together until that day time stands still.