True Colours

I have been a constant work in progress since my son was born. I don’t believe that we necessarily are destined to stay the same. We grow, we expand, we evolve. We are no more the person yesterday than we are today and tomorrow is always just on the horizon. At times trying to understand the internal workings of a relative stranger seemed like a monumental task. I mean did I hate myself? At times I know I did. Acting on impulse before thinking rationally, there are moments when I catch myself in the heat of passion but normally I am contained.  I haven’t always been this way just ask anyone that has met me. Hot bloodied, passionate, crazy, too sensitive are all identifiers that have been used to explain me. I don’t know about you but call a crazy person crazy and they are sure to become unglued.

Nobody is perfect. It is impossible to be. All the money in the world doesn’t buy you manners, decency or respect. Just look at the headlines filled with the elitest of the elite. Not even the monarchy is saved from bad press when it comes to serving it’s people. We operate a no holds barred kind of persona ready to be set off at any moment.  We argue just for the sake of being heard. Convinced that we are one snapshot or video away from leisurely fame and fortune. How many people do you know that would sell their souls to the devil in order to gain financial freedom? Really think about that. You have those that have been presented with the opportunity to put a value on a decent human life. No worries, no pain just a misguided preconception that they won’t have to pay for their sins. That they can get away. That’s why they eat up more and more. They need more death, more violence, more hate to feed their sick twisted need and everybody else is left out to dry.

It would be so easy for me to keep my head down and ignore the world’s problems. What is stopping me from engaging? Who is forcing me to partake? I can sit in my home in silence and wait for the storm to pass and see what carnage lays behind. What I know for sure is I need to gravitate towards my own truth no matter how much it hurts. That in order for me to believe that there is existence after this I have to do what is right. What humanity deems important no matter the cost. To stare in the photographic eyes of my Grandmother and to feel her still with me. To believe that she is not gone and lost to me forever then my small little voice has to say something. Even if it is to say I am here beside you 100% wherever this may lead. If we need to believe in our own morality than you have to believe that you are being watched. Not in a creepy sense but in a our loved ones are still with us kind of way. You can’t have both. You can’t believe that your ancestors are smiling down at you giving you strength then you turn around and are an *sshole to the world. If we have a soul then how do we not want to do what is right?

There is a World that I go to and I go there often. I believe in all that I mentioned and so much more. I have spent two years trying to find the words to connect with somebody. If only just a sounded board to help keep me sane. At times I feel so lost in all that is happening. I can’t believe how evolution has taken away our brains and common sense. To be so ignorant in all our glory like for some reason our sh*t don’t stink.  To take your car and run over a human being because they are wasting your time. Trying to find some way any way for anybody to notice. To hear their cries that have started since they were stolen from their land. It is important to remind yourself just how they started out here. I am not saying you should take on the blame or ownership of this what I am saying is open up your heart and show some compassion. Scientists are trying to prove that some of the behaviours and events that happen to the mother will actually help shape the way the baby is come to be. Please don’t twist my words and assume I am saying that the baby in utero will remember the mother getting a 100 lashes or raped repeatedly by her owner. I am saying that fear, that hate, that anger will absorb and forever change who that baby is destined to be.

Knowing that fact I know what you are thinking. It has been studied that puppies born in horrendous conditions where the mother was starved, beaten, unloved has changed the way the puppy behaves. I have one of these puppies. He takes a lot of work. Where he will succeed in his life isI know this and I love him unconditionally. I will commit to him to ensure that he grows into the best version that he can be. Imagine as a human you can’t get out of that cycle. You are always set up to fail. For every hope and dashing dream you are met with huge roadblocks and ignorance.  I can’t believe we are still the same people that we were a hundred years ago. It is very funny to me actually the amount of people who still insist that there is no problem out there. That racism doesn’t exist. That they aren’t racist. All it takes is one meme to see what colour they truly are. The World is a terrifying place that is still segregated in the worst ways possible. Now more than ever it is important to stand up and know your truth. Don’t just change sides depending on the company you find yourself in. Express yourself truthfully without conviction without fear of whose eyes they may find. I for one will never live in fear for letting my true colours fly.

 

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