Only My Life Matters

I wonder what it would feel like to wake up from this nightmare. To be able to feel and express ourselves the way nature intended to. To love our neighbours and not fear what is waiting for us in the shadows. In a world where people develop a conscience and want to do good instead of evil. A real world where we actually mean all lives matter. How can we absorb what is around us when there is so much pain and evil in the world. I wonder who actually lives and works in a world where all lives matter. If you work in construction you have probably mowed down forests and greenery and erected cement building that would block out the son. Because of these building our wildlife has nowhere to go. We push our boundaries but refuse to give any wild animals the peace that their lives deserve.

The common misconception is that we as in us is the only person that matters. This is true. Only you can look out for #1. What happens to you though when you perverse your way from nature damaging everything into it’s wake. There is a reason newly chopped wood crackles and sizzles as it is reduced to ash. Listen to the high pitched whine and you would swear that something somewhere is being tortured. We want to reach the limits of life and stop ourselves before we lose control. We are not control of our minds in the same way we rarely take responsibility for our actions.

I have ran lose with the idea of cleansing my energy. I try hard throughout the day to minimize the turmoil that I would normally feel in a house of chaotic unrest. The gifts that have found my way though through boundless love and patience have been something I couldn’t describe. To be able to carry on my day with a dance in my step and a smile on my face probably is annoying to people. Let it be known as much as my outward experience is positive to the extent that I control it I still deal with the struggles of the mundane day to day. I still tit for tat with my husband out of habit maybe. What has changed inside me is the boundaries I have set for myself. I no longer want to be a doormat with no voice and no hope. I found a path that makes my heart sing and it all starts very close to home.

Like clockwork I can tell you the exact discussion that will erupt into anger as soon as my husband gets home. I have been run off my feet with barking dogs, baby bird feedings, and just the every day chores that need to be tackled to ensure that all of us remain thriving and happy. I have even taken a conscious note of the things that he likes to see done. I can appreciate his frustration when nothing has been done. When it looks like I have sat around the house all day. Usually it is because I am tired of cleaning the same pile of dinosaurs for the 12th time today so I like to have a rest. Conveniently I chose a time when he gets home so we can chat. You know check in on each other’s days. All I get is his head stuck looking  his cell phone and no answers as I carry on my conversation by myself.

The things I like to do in a day are to keep my sane. Reading, writing, violing and even my pictures taken for social media as part of my Daisy Jean campaign are all very soothing to me. Imagine being told that all those things are not as important as the work he does during the day. That trying to do his laundry and maintain all his little idiosyncrasies while he can turn this house outside down in a mere matter of minutes. Like a time bomb he runs around the house just waiting to explode. Where’s my hat, my keys, my cigarettes…I AM GOING TO LOSE IT!!! Every day like clock work this is my day. I have to try and manage myself so that I remain calm in these moments. It is not appropriate for me to lash out anymore because anything I say falls on deaf ears and then I am left even more shaken than before.

Of course the world is in turmoil because we never acknowledged her existence to begin with. We took for granted how beautiful she was and that she would maintain herself. Imagine how it would feel knowing that one of your creations would never take another step or breath again. Why did we need to hunt a species so that they no longer walked the Earth. Did it prolong our life? Did it prevent the inevitable? How come some of the greatest humans that have ever walked this Earth didn’t need to put into place all the grotesque horrifying things that now seem so common. What is our obsession with dancing with the dark side? If you knew for sure that evil exist and it would take you away to the afterlife would you still persist?

We have awoken to a nightmare where there is no hope of returning to normal. There was never a normal to begin with. Think of the ways we ignored the tragedies of the world like nothing in life would ever affect us. Think of the ways we turned the other cheek when we could have made a difference. One person can make a difference. One person can try to make a difference until they take their last breath. We can’t become the entity we desire until we lay to rest the seven sins and try to understand the pain we inflict on the world. The way we harvest our crops by using chemicals and fertilizers to be returned to our ecosystem. The way we separate a calf from his mom to steal her milk and worse yet slaughter the calf before he takes his first step for veal. The way chickens are hoarded and mutated from laying in wire cages. The way we dunk live pigs into vats of boiling water to remove their skin. The way the markets sell cats and dogs and every other creature under the sun for our consumption. Even woman are guilty for the mink lashes. Where do you think the mink comes from?

We think just because we can’t understand their language then there is no value to their existence. Since the start of COVID I rarely leave the house. I value my family so much that there is nowhere or nothing or even nobody I need to see that will put them in harms way. In my isolation with my son and all my animals (and brief interactions with my husband I have come to deeply understand each of these animals. I can see it in their eyes when they are trying to communicate with me. The way they poke, nip and even nudge are all ways of them trying to get my attention. So if my animals can feel happiness in the same way that they can feel pain then what we as humans have done to them is shocking.  What is worse is these people hide behind this slogan that all lives matter but what they really mean is only my life matters. Watch the next time somebody says this. They will have little regard for any life not even their own.

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