You Don’t Owe Them Anything

In a World where we all seem to have this over inflated feel of entitlement it is impossible to always know what is the right or best thing to do. Ingrained inside of us is this desire not to walk this Earth alone. We want to find a partner who completes us. And as we get older we just want to find somebody who respects are time and who we get along with. The dating cesspool is filled with so many who are only out to get what they want leaving a string of broken hearts in their wake.

For women it is different. We have all the pressures from our family and friends to settle down and have a family. People watch us with side eyes wondering if there is somethin “wrong” with us. We lower our standards and expectations trying to find that loser who will appreciate our presence. The problem with those “losers” is they have usually perfected this sob guy routine that has gotten them laid more times than a Wednesday night at a brothel and sometimes just maybe he hasn’t even spent a dime.

That is the most irritating part about these dating sites. You have to meet in public, usually at a bar or restaurant. Your date thinks just because they are going to pick up the tab you should immediately drop your panties. I am always prepared to pay for my meal and the tip if need be. I don’t let anybody bully me into feeling obligated. My favourite though is when they say, “Oh I don’t know what happened I should have been paid at midnight. I will get the next one.” Uhmmm no buddy there is no next time. Kick rocks and  blow bubbles the faster the better.

When I was younger I always had a way of finding myself in very complicated situations. Ones that would make your blood run cold and question your morality. The one time I can remember specifically my ex’s friend was going through a rough time and asked if I would offer an ear of support. Not thinking much of it as he had been to the house before he came over with drinks after clearly having a lot of drinks. I was already uncomfortable as soon as he arrived. I decided that I had better keep my wits about me and not have too many drinks and start working on my exit plan. Through conversation and time I learned that he was also high on coke and wanted more. Nothing says good time like an angry man in small spaces. I am all for supporting my friends but this guy wasn’t even one. Sitting here watching this guy’s facial expressions change over and over again from sad, to angry but to never happy I knew that this was about to escalate out of control.

Sitting here barely listening now as the conversation turns to sex and how good it feels and every other uncomfortable thing you can think of. I told him that I was tired and it was time for bed. Not really meaning it I asked if he wanted to sleep and he said e slept better after sex. Alarms started to go off in my head as I tried to decide how I can now get out of this. The thought came into my head that it was my fault for allowing him to sit her and drink and chat. Did I lead him on? Did I owe it to him to let him have his way with me?  Or did I owe it to myself to at least fight back?

I think to often we allow people to get away with things that we normally wouldn’t out of fear of hurting their feelings. The reality is somebody who truly cares about you would never have you feeling like that in the first place. Back then I used to smoke so I told him I was going outside for a smoke. He followed so close behind me I could feel his breath on his neck. It’s not like I could run…or could I? My cats though.  As we climbed the stairs to go outside and I opened the door I felt the night air. It was now 2 in the morning. What I did next I have no idea how. I told him I was too cold and needed my jacket. I pushed my way past him fast and kicked him in the middle of the back hard and slammed and locked my door. Listening to him pound to be let back in. Everything started to buzz around me. As I went to sit down that’s when I saw the brick fly through my kitchen window and land in my hamper. Thankfully my kitchen window is on the small side and the noise it made mad him run.

Being sick and tired of guys just always expecting us to give them what they want I called the cops. What if he was still outside waiting for me. I knew his name and phone number and I did know his age. He was always pestering me on to add him on facebook so maybe his birthdate was their. As I relayed all the information to the lady she told me that they would send an officer right away. Keep in mind this is two AM in the downtown core of the city I lived in. The officers were on site within 5 minutes. Not because there was nothing to do but because of who it was that I had identified. You see his sister was in prison for violently jumping on a poor man’s head downtown just the year before. This family was violent and showed no remorse. They hurt people for fun. At least that is what she did as this man was walking home with groceries for his family.

In a World where it is impossible to truly know anybody except for yourself it is within your best interest to get to know yourself on a very close, very personal basis. You have to have enough strength and faith to always put yourself and your interests first. That the only judgement and concern you need to have is for yourself.  Bullies can come in all shapes and sizes and they usually get greatest satisfaction out of crawling under your skin. They will say the words that you will ask them not to. They will frequently exhibit poor behaviours and manners and laugh as they know they bother you. The only person you need to contribute to on a continue basis is yourself. You don’t owe anybody anything till you honour yourself first.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. lemmontage says:

    Yes. It starts with honouring yourself, and, then honouring others. People might try to tell you that you are being selfish, if you think about yourself first. That, in itself, is being manipulative. Look after yourself first means that you are building a strong foundation on which you can then help others. If you build a weak foundation, then you might only be able to show people poor, lazy, or sloppy ways of living. Yes, honour, respect, take care of yourself … then you will be of value to yourself and others.


    1. Exactly 💙 become your own #1 fan. Believe in yourself so hard others don’t have a choice but to believe in you too xx


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