In a casual conversation with friend my mind was pushed to the limit in thinking of all the ways we allow ourselves to feel betrayed or how many times we go back to do the same things. If every life has it’s purposes there is no way imaginable you would want to act with malicious intent. Right? What one does for one they may not do for another so where does one draw the line. Are you ok with knowing that the person you are dealing with operates on a value you system and they have you valued at next to nothing? With social circles small and the Universe so diverse how does one decide to let go or to stand around and face the music. Then you realize that the tune you have been listening to this whole time has been out of key and the words only mimic the resemblance of making sense.
What am I talking about. If somebody hurts somebody close to them. I mean rip their heart and continuous pour slow gasoline on the embers waiting and watching it to painfully burn. Imagine that person lurking around in the shadows waiting to strike like a viper. Maybe it wasn’t just a one of brewing hate for that one person. Maybe they had it deep within them all along. Maybe you are next.
We don’t have to get along with everybody in the whole world. The very thought would be insanity. We all have different tastes, wants, desires, dreams, passions. We communicate in our languages. Some times our stars align and others like super nova’s explode and dissolve into a fine light. I love to give people the benefit of the doubt but when you see somebody intentionally attacking another’s health for what can only be seen as some sort of sick satisfaction it hurts the heart. Trying to marinade in all the information the one thing that was continuing to surface was the purity of her heart and the raw sewage spewing from hers. To be say bold and say that it didn’t matter whether or not they had mutual friends made me think deeper. Does it matter? Should it matter? I guess if they didn’t hurt me personally then it wouldn’t would it? Depends on how you feel about the way the situation is being handled. Yes we are entitled to our own reasons to why we want to end a friendship but to me the ripping of the heart in the end was completely unnecessary.
What I have been spending a lot of time on was trying to get a greater sense of self. To try and understand my own purpose and the role that I play in the life of others. That is why I have been so raw in my posts. I want people to relate to me on some level so that maybe like minds can make a difference. I have become so steadfast in who it is I want to become and who I want my son to know me to be. So if I was working on becoming the most honourable, honest person that I could be would I really want to keep company with anybody who could so maliciously stop contact just because. I know it seems convoluted and maybe to some these rabbles would not make any sense. What I do know for sure is my family means everything to me. I value my time, our time that we get to share here on Earth. If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything which does include bad people and even shittier friends.
Does it make sense yet? If honesty is something you value then would a dishonest person make sense in your life? Even if the act in question really has zero to do with you in anyway it all stems to integrity. Like minds hang out with like minds so now you have to question intent. Over the course of my years I have run into some incredible souls. Those souls I would move mountains for. I would never let them feel a certain way other than happy. My role in their lives can at least be that of unconditional love and support. Real friends know and recognize the purity in their hearts. It only truly comes though when you find love and happiness in your own heart. You can’t move passed a wall built of brick. To truly bond and connect you have to let the drawbridge down and let somebody in.
That is what my blog has become to me. I release into the Universe and a forgiveness of myself. The one person I have always forgot to apologize to was myself. I have been the harshest on myself always. I was too old, too fat, too ugly. You name it I would beat myself up relentlessly. I loved to pay out compliments and plastered a smile upon my face but who I needed to compliment was myself. To see the beauty in others means you have Find yourself interesting.it in you to see the beauty within yourself. To be kind to others without being kind to yourself first. Fill you own love tank first. Be gentle. Be kind. Be all the things you wish you could be because you can. From this moment on you can just let it all go and just be.
Somebody is always going to hate. You will always be not good enough. But do you really want that person to be you? Real friends, with similar hearts gravitating towards each other they won’t have room for all the bullshit that comes from when other people are jealous or when they hate. I have to question those that keep the company of those that can act so evil. Like minds. Like hearts. Where does love end and hate start?