I keep to myself. Some say I read to much and stay at home and try not to get involved. I used to be the opposite but after so many negative encounters and ill said words I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I don’t need a stranger to sing the praises of somebody who already took a hatchet to my back. You see I caught them red handed. There is no disputing the slime coating that oozes through existence leaving a trail wherever she goes. I laugh when I hear the reasons why our friendship went South. Truth be told I have a back bone now so where others may have gotten away with piss poor behavior they don’t stand a chance now. Mankind took a turn which leaves me forever walking on the burning coals of lies and discontent. I am not alone though. I have found me. In times when nobody noticed me it was me that picked myself up the ground. Now I stand wandering how many people have felt lost in translation when they grew tired of dealing with the rollercoaster emotions of entertaining certain friends. When you tell me, “Oh but they are a great person they have never done me wrong.” Well neither have I but what I know for sure is that person is shady as shit and there is no room for them at my table.

When was the last time you had a nightmare and what was it about? Last night I dreamed about genocide not about anybody but my own. Me and my husband were in a communist country. They wore all green and had the symbolic red band around their arm. We weren’t in Germany because each of these men and women in uniform were of Asian decent. In the beginning it felt like we were on a vacation but then all of a sudden we became the hunted. One day we were out seeing the sights of the world the next we were being told they were coming for us and they wanted us dead. They took my son promising to reunite us when we got back to Canada. It was easier for the baby to flee and survive then it would be for us to make it. Everybody became somebody you couldn’t trust. They would tell you they were helping but all they were doing was trying to distract you until the guards got there to take you away. All we had was each other and a few select friends that we knew wouldn’t lead us astray. In dreams nothing truly makes sense. I have two endings to the same dream but only because my husband had woken up to go to work so my mind was halted for a bit.

The first ending was that we had to jump into the water of the naval base and swim below the radar and currents. There was still guards to watch out for but like an episode where the whole Earth is over run by water there are different creatures that exist down here. One was a legless man who seemed to know all the ins and outs of where the guards would be heading and how best we could make it to Canada. There was a lot of tense moments as we hid in tunnels and caves and any which way we could when all of a sudden we were able to make our way onto a cruise ship. Obviously the guards suspected this so it was all about us blending in and trying not to be caught be the guards or crew.

The second part of the dream was that we were in a trunk of a car and some lady told us she was going to help us. (oh and the legless man from before. He was actually a retired soldier so he was trying to sell us in order to feed is belly). Once the car stopped we were at the airport. Looking at the planes taking off and the armed guards I told her that this was as good as if we pulled the trigger on ourselves. She told us not to worry that she had friends that would ensure that we got onto the plane and once there they couldn’t get us off. As we nervously waited in line we showed our ID to the first lady. She looked up. Looked at us and gave us our passports. What we didn’t see was the switch. In my dream if you were caught with another’s passport you get immediately detained and that was what was about to happen. As we get closer to the plane and freedom the guards close in. The lady who dropped us off starts yelling it is a set up. It is at this time my dog kicks me in the head so I wake up.

Falling back to sleep we are back in line but this time we noticed the mix up. For whatever reason my husband is about 10 people behind me in the line-up. We are able to switch the passports and we fly off to freedom. There is no clear indication to what we did to make them so mad. They just hated us for existing. There was so much fear as we tried to navigate through a country where everybody was our enemy. People were told that if they brought us in there would be a reward. I have no idea what they planned to do with us. If we were there for death or torture. What I knew though is that it wasn’t fair for us to be signaled out in this way. All we wanted was a chance at life to see and explore. To feel the land and the life that walked on it. So many life’s lost for what? Nobody gained anything. Nobody has gained anything? For all the acts of genocide and wars promising freedom have we even accomplished any of that. Why did we sacrifice a generation full of so much promise and hope? We could be anything we could have anything we are allowed to grow old with our families, well most of us are anyways. But what are we content on doing? We want to hate just to say we believe in something. We want to laugh, ridicule and tease just so we can fit in. We get the chance to raise these beautiful families and we decide that that is not good enough i want more. I feel disgusted in knowing that there is so much death intertwined into the promise of life. So now I am asked to decipher all the hidden codes and messages others keep engaging in when there is one universal language love. If you don’t see the simplistic beauty in the life that we were given then we have to part ways. If you are one of those that sits on the sidelines without using your voice then you are just as guilty as the ones that do. If you actually for whatever reason believe that you are entitled to something more because of the colour of your skin then this is where we say goodbye. I will not chase those that exemplify what is wrong with the world I can already see you in the distance. The games that we play trying o get to the tope well I concede and you have won. Please don’t follow me for you are not welcome where I go. I would rather be left in a field all alone than playing with those that I can’t even see.