Our own existence we depleted until it became ground into dust and held no value for anybody anymore. Look at the way we berate each other for insignificant differences that really only bring attention to the offender and no one else. Imagine if we lost the ability to see like so many of our fellow humans. Remove from the conscious thinking is the ability to judge. The have to wait patiently to form their own judgement against the wishes of modern society. We all need to conform to be a certain way. Don’t you agree? The media becoming nothing more than the largest cult in the Universe that if you fall prey to it’s unrealistic goals and borderline personality disorder you too will become it’s next victim.

I am not a martyr nor do I claim to be. I am still that small farm girl with a big girl heart that is still learning about who I am. Society wanted me to stop blossoming and growing and stunt who I was born to be. There is a reason why we have to dodge stones before we get on the right path. Every time we cry out in a frustration it truly is pain just leaving the body. It is impossible to grow if you live a sheltered existence and that is why it is ideal to explore all possibilities. Don’t wait for somebody to find you and turn over that stone. You are the only one that can save you no matter how much love you think you hold for another. I used to scorn the Universe for my misfortune. What I found though is if I tried to find the beauty in each and every day then things got easier. I am not saying life is blessed or happy or filled with love. You can have elements of all these things and it is still going to hurt. You can stare deep into the eyes of your child with the biggest grin but deep down in your darkest depths you are hardened and sad about the failure of humanity, we can see it in every news headline throughout time.

Some days the value is just getting out of bed and facing the World. Even when my heart was torn into a million pieces I still had to get up. There was no way I would stumble and let somebody find me at my knees. Find me crouching in the dirt. Yes of course there were days I would hit the dirt and I would want to dig a hole and lie until my eyes would close forever. Those moments as fierce and determined as they were would never be my downfall. I went knocking at Death’s door to see who was on the other side. Whoever met me there forever changed my destiny. If the other side wasn’t ready to take me yet then I better make the biggest impact and explosion of a glitter that history would forever be sprinkled with. So I live differently. I live in a world where there is more peace than war, more love than hate and more life than death. I had to give up eating meat because I feel so closely connected with my animals that I feel so weird calling them pets.

I have made my world to have so many lives dependent on me that there is nobody outside of these walls that can draw me away except for a very limited few. It’s not that I don’t want more human friends than my animal counterparts just COVID has made it so that the roles of my natural instinct have intensified. I had my stint with animal rescue and in essence we are still doing just that. The difference is the animals we bring into these four walls we have given our commitment too. When you watch a broken animal heal in your presence and then open up their hearts again to each other you begin to see animals differently. Once you truly see that animals have so much compassion, loyalty and love when you see just how badly other people treat their “pets” it will make your stomach turn. Our reality in our family is that we wanted to prevent these animals from ever having their hearts broken in the first place. Most people still see their pets as being disposable. How can our mentality towards them change when you read books that tell you that they are still animals and to treat them as such. If you treat your family like animals they will behave like so. Look at our children. Behaving like creatures of the night who glorify evil.

So if I smile when the world is so violent and cruel it is not because I am shocked, stunned or numb. It’s because if we all let it get us down then what chance do we have of ever getting out of this. No matter who you are in this World you have to admit that there is something wrong. Our intellectual prowess is not so much stunned but it is beginning to wilt and die. The only thing that excites us is death, blood and gore. Another 13 year old close to where I live has chosen death over life. So many of our children are being bullied. What that means is the ones who are not getting bullied are bullies. If bullying is so bad that another child chooses to die that tells me that there are others who are laughing, clapping, encouraging this type of behaviour. A bully doesn’t become who they are without somebody telling them they can be. Look at Kyle, our gunmen, who publicly executed two humans and injured another citing he was defending business and property even though his property was an 1 hour a way. In fact it wasn’t even his property he was only 17 armed up in camouflage and an AK with his mother driving him across state lines wearing the exact same uniform. We breed deviants and allow their behavior to continue. That’s why I prefer to stand out that way there is no way my intentions will ever be questioned. My heart and soul I bare open in the hopes that maybe some of the negativity will begin to chose to live again. Live again where we are truly free and hearts are open guided only be the energy that two souls create when meeting for the first time.