I don’t know how to explain entirely how it is that I feel. To be honest sometimes I feel best when I am in my own company. I am never entirely alone. I have my son, the cats, the dogs and all the lil critters. My heart feels full when I focus my attention in that direction and not anywhere else. I am always going to be that shy awkward farm girl that was made fun of. The more I wanted to be accepted the more broken I became. It is hard to trust your heart to a pack of starved cougars that only want your heart to feed. Like a sad little lost fawn standing open in the field of buttercups looking for his mom only to see the glare of their teeth staring back at you you still want to give them the benefit of the doubt. You gingerly take a step forward and smell the air and that is when you here the others crying in the distance to run. A true cougar is always exposed one day. Those that live to tell their tale of hardship will be the ones least believed. Having the scars to prove their attempt to rip you to to shreds either brings comfort or anger your w, never both, always choice. Survival is the main focus of all of us. It maybe a game but we all want to play for as long as possible with minimal scars.
Evolution has given us instinct that most of us chose to ignore. Either that or we allowed ourselves to get so desensitized to our surroundings and what is happening. It is maddening to believe that there are those who only want to profit from you in anyway they can. Think about that. Your first economy lesson is there is no such thing as a free lunch and secondly if something is too good to be true it always is. Authenticity doesn’t need to hide. It is the only thing real you can rely on and trust with a whole heart. This right here is the rarest quality you will ever find in another human being. Somebody who is authentic has nothing to hide. No shame. No lies, No games or time for extracurricular activities. In a world full of cheap knock off’s you can see how having an authentic heart would be something incredibly rare. it doesn’t mean you haven’t done any of those things in the past. I would be lying to all of you and worst of all myself. That is why I started my blog. To freely talk about how I feel in general and about various topics of the world. It is a chance to admit to my wrongdoings and look at a course of action to ensure I stop behaving in those previous ways. Being authentic is a character building skill that works like wine and cheese it is better with age and perfected over time. The learning never stops. You always move along an infinite curve then one time you don’t and you just seem to fall off. Fall off into nowhere to do what? My anxiety attacks me. I gasp for air.
It is crippling to learn of another’s authenticity and you just want to move way back. That bitter taste of betrayl, thoughts running rampant asking you to recognize the answers to the questions you see just don’t give up just yet. A thread holds the weight of thousands with a single intrinsic stitch thread between millions. That would signify to me that it only takes one person to make you feel bounded, stitching you together to do it alone. Sure with the right perserverance we can achieve anythng, move mountains per se. Your leaps become wider and your bounds become higher as you reach for the stars and beyond. Those leaps and bounds can sometimes hurt because the greater the risk the greater the pain. But you need both for the greater reward.