“Look for your other half who walks always next to you and tends to be who you aren’t”  Translated by R.B.

Whose life are we living when we stop living it for ourselves. Doing those things that don’t make sense to us in the hopes of finally being accepted into a pack that we know damn well we weren’t ever going to get it on. It’s like the momma dog who takes in the kitten to keep it alive after being found lost and abandoned barely holding on.  In this one single action the momma dog shows not only compassion but an instinct that instructs her that she has the gift to save this little kittens life.  When was the last time you listened to your instinct and felt those little hairs standing up on the back of your neck. Maybe it’s the tingles running up and down your forearms but there is one thing for sure there is an electricity drawing you to where you need to go. So many of us though have muted this voice that rings out inside of us because we have somehow convinced ourselves along the way that  there is no possible way of us knowing what it is that we could need.  How is it that animals rely heavily on their own natural instinct yet we are too good for all that. I almost think that human’s are not as evolved as we like to think. We have a funny way of evolving that seems to have us back peddling fast. Everything that makes us human being taken for granted and made obsolete as they make a machine to do yet another human task. It is almost like artificial intelligence will one day be doing the living for us. They would be doing it more efficiently anyways. Oh how disappointing mankind is becoming , at least in my eyes anyways

That very premise disputes evolution with one full swoop. If we are incapable of lead.ing ourselves to our own destiny out of instinct have we also lost the right to see ourselves as entities greater than the human bodies we possess.  My mind gets caught in the whirlwinds of what if’s or the what for’s. Every second that the Earth has been turning seems to have brought with it it’s own monumental course of destruction.  From natural disasters to man made horrors it seems the Earth is most content when it is in a state of chaotic, volatile nature. Have we learned this behaviour from the natural state of our existence handed down to us over thousands of years or have we inherited these characteristics out of a sick, perverse fantasy to rule with an iron fist and hopefully be rewarded with riches the mind can only conceive. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around some of the tales that have been handed down to us. Knights of the Round Table, Trojan Horses and even the dramatic plays of William Shakespeare all seem surreal to me. A magical time filled with magical tales fast forwarded a few thousand years and we have this mind numbing existence we have now.

Everything we have in this time is out of sheer convenience and sloth like resilience. I remember a time when stores were closed by 6 pm and never open on weekends.  The amount of planning that it would take to run a household to ensure that there was adequate food and supplies to sustain the house. That period of time seems like a long ago fantasy as my husband makes his 3rd gas station run for cigarettes this time. I even remember when you couldn’t get alcohol past midnight. That took ALOT of planning especially for us teenagers. You had to scrounge up all the change that you could (especially for those that didn’t have a job. I always did so it wasn’t so much me.) in the hopes that you would have enough. Factor in cigarettes, munchies and who knows what else and budgeting became something we were all good at. I guess this is when we first encounter the idea of becoming somebody we are not just to fit in. Nobody wants to be the odd man out. Back then it was easier to blend it seems then it is now. There are so many groups. So many cliques and none with good intentions these days it seems. Everybody is your friend until it makes them more popular not to be. That is what truly matters right? Popularity?

The more you strive to be somebody you are not the more miserable you will become. We aren’t meant to stray too far from the image we see in the mirror but at times we do portray the imagery that is left to the minds eye.  We have to fill in the holes that are created from our discontent with even greater negativity. It can derive from lashing out at another or simply from lashing out at yourself. Some move towards substance abuse as they look for the answers to fill the gaps that their psyche is creating. Some believe that at some point in our journey that we were all twins. The good half and the bad but never a combination of the two. At times it will seem like a possibility but only one of the other will ever survive. Holding each other accountable as both run parallel, side by side until the race is over and one is victorious and the other lays down in defeat. There are so many versions of the good and evil that lays within. One is free to roam while the other is locked up prevented from every coming into being. Unless of course you lose your grip on reality and set the evil free we are after all only human. All capable of not only great things but not great things as well.