The Linger

I like to close my eyes and tilt my head towards the sun as I absorb the tranquil serenity that surrounds me. The cool mountain air intermingled with the salt spray from the waterfall in the distance washes over me allowing me to be fully present in the moment. As quickly as I felt at peace I feel the dark rolling clouds over take the sky threatening a torrential down pour. I want to run to find shelter but I also want to linger. Hoping that my queries will bring clearer answers for me to process instead of the mumble jumble that leaves me with more questions then answers received.

I wonder what makes us hold onto something that has outlived our means to possess. Relationships and friendships being the hardest to let go.  We have a harder time when those that used to play such an active role in our lives have moved on with theirs versus lying 6 feet underground. What a strange thought for one to have. Torturing your mind and your ego with how much better their life is now without you in it. You instantly become your own worst enemy with your obsessive thoughts.  When somebody we love dies mourning becomes easy because we don’t have a choice. There is no negotiating all bets are off.  But if they have moved on with intense speed and incredible bliss we can’t help ripping ourselves to shreds.

There are those who hang on out of hope of what could have been and those that cling on because they don’t know what else to do. Some people will spend their whole loves hanging around in the hopes that they will somehow get a benefit in doing so. I mean does it make sense that somebody would call you a friend but behind closed doors they will have nothing nice to say at all. To your face it is thank you for being a good friend but to others it’s a watch out for that girl. She is a liability, a firecracker. Maybe we do have to develop a thick skin and hold on to just a bit but out of curiosity though has anybody ever benefitted from keeping their enemies close?

Sleeping with one eye open is restless and does nothing to recharge your batteries. How does one protect themselves from the vultures of the world. Expose an open wound and they will feed for months. There is no end to their selfless display as their feeding intensifies giving them a sense of courage they never had before. It only takes one to infect the whole flock telling the side of the story that paints them in the best light and leaves you feeling isolated and confused. You still linger in the hopes that they might see the error in their ways and recant therefore y’all receive the happy ending that we all believe that we are entitled to. We don’t want to put in the work we want it to be easy to be handed to us like the air that we breathe. The Universe recognizes nobody when it comes to the ultimate betrayal. It will take down everybody within a general area and feast on the leftovers for weeks.

Think about your last fallout what did it look like.  For me it was a gal I saw regularly, before COVID that is. My back was always arched when it came to her though, you could tell that she was the type to sell her first born to the devil for even a fraction of fame. You can see it in the way that she works the crowd and leaves a trail of slime behind her. You don’t need Rome to be built in a day you just need those who believe that you have the ability to do so. I am floored with how many people are quick to follow those with little or no experience with just a promise and a prayer. Success is detrimental in all that we do. g I find though that usually it is just a parade of trolls waiting to climb on board trying to infect my common sense and drive.

We all tend to linger from time to time. We stay to often where we aren’t wanted in the hopes that things will turn around and end up our way. I let my thoughts wander to people I miss out of sheer loneliness. I am more than guilty of granting too many chances to those that don’t deserve them. A part of it comes from a place of knowing that sometimes we need to have room and space to grow. If all that we were to become was instilled into us the day we took our first breath then there would be absolutely no point to it all. We wouldn’t get to experience the joys of life without bearing witness to the incredible pain. We need to know the two polar opposites before it even begins to make sense. Somebody’s joy usually comes at the expense of another. Watching the way that they handle each other is a clear indication to know who in question intentions might be more pure. At the end of the day we all have a stake in this game of life that we play. Opportunities present themselves whether we are ready for them or not. Conflicts arise even when we try our best to avoid them all.  The weight of the world is heavy when it only rests on our shoulders. It is hard to know who to trust in this untrustworthy world. I have yet to have much success when trying to distribute the weight. There are those who claim to be a friend but truly only wait around in the hopes that I fail. To them I say who needs enemies when you have these “friends” waiting in the wings to tear you down.  I linger in my own existence unsure of where to go next or how to hold on. I wish this experience was more welcoming or at least made a wee bit more sense. I wonder how much more I can linger without purpose, heaven sent.

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