The Toxic and the True

I am my own worst enemy. You never get to steal that title away from. There is nobody who can keep me down like I can so why would you even bother trying. I love the effort on your part. Trying to convince the world that you are all diamond and glitter but I have seen your core. In fact we are all capable of acts of deception. We wouldn’t be human, we wouldn’t have choice. Part of the grandeur of life will escape us if we can’t admit that the true yang lies inside of us. That if we keep only trying to live in our ying great discomfort will result. For as long as I can remember I had always played the victim. In some senses we all are. Not the victim in the traditional sense but all victims in our own way of thinking and the way we portray that thinking into action. It’s no wonder the broken always flock together. We hope that amongst the pieces we will find those pieces that will make us complete. What I have witnessed is a growing concern to those that are broken because we are so easily lied to and deceived. We want to believe that those in close quarters have our best interest at heart. You can see, however, how they conduct their day to day that it was all smoke and mirrors to keep you off track. I reserve respect for those bold enough to own up to their truths and frown down on those who hide certain indiscretions from their past. Anything we have ever needed to know has been engrained inside of us. It is our inner voice who let’s us know when a certain circumstance or person is wrong. Society has told us to numb that inner tranquility that guides us through this period leading us back into the light.

Some would say that if you don’t have nothing nice to say then don’t say nothing at all. If we aren’t allowed to ask questions and develop our own thoughts, if we aren’t allowed to question some of those things that just make us go mmmm, if we aren’t allowed to have our voices heard without also building a wall of shame than what sense is this for anyways. Some people are so thick in there own shade that they just want to sit there and criticize anybody who’s voice may differ from their own. Judging by the reaction of these mediocre mice one would say that I hit the query on the nose. Women can be the nastiest to have to deal with even more so when they are building a superficial sisterhood. One that freely attacks those that dare to be different. One that freely attacks those that dare to speak their own mind. One who freely accepts both halves as her being and full heartedly will bring both into the light. The good in her longing to be heard. The evil inside desperate to get out. Be thankful that her intentions of harm only fell at her feet and you were able to stay out of harms way.

Anybody who tries to rule over another being in order to gain control or popularity is clearly being dominating by their evil side. You can see it in the way she collects trinkets displaying them all to the world as an indicating of a pure heart. One thing in this moment that rings true and rings even truer the closer we get to our own demise is all these lovely trinkets that you plotted and conspired to obtain are now left worthless to your next of kin. Those that you destroyed to feel that moment of fame will forever haunt you with each new step that you take. You don’t get to play with your dark side without some sort of repercussion in the end. You will see when you get there the mistakes of your actions. So many women have tried to impart their wayward thinking on to me. I have been told to stop dressing in the style that I love like it is a passing fancy to me. I have been told that my inquisitive mind is what makes me a bully. Why would I turn my back on who I truly am? Why should I be the one that has to throw my style to the curb to appease those that don’t agree with me?

We are all bullies when we think of it. I have seen too many people jump on a band wagon claiming that they are trying to save themselves but in reality they are joining forces to take down another. You can tell when it is happening even more so during this technologically advanced age of social medial. When there is a disagreement between two you can always tell who keeps chattering based on the decline of followers. I could feel the heat of being the only one being called out for gossip, even though it takes two. One mouth to utter the words and one ear to hear the lies. The evil side in me wants to rage and lash out to try and avenge my name. Who likes to hear the things being said about them when there were very obviously two people involved? At first I feel anger but then I feel relief. Relief that the one sided friendship is over.

As much as it hurts to let people go that you were once friends with it truly does need to be done. Growth rarely happens when you remain complacent. You have to remove the band aide and expose the open wound and see who remains. Those that can withstand the sight and feels of what you are going through or true friends. Anybody else is just a passing fancy and was never going to withstand the heat to begin with. Remember you were never born to fit in, you were born to stand out. After the haze of ill wind is over and you can finally see what remains it is ok if you are the only one left standing toxicity removed once again.

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