My mind I think is deteriorating at a very rapide rate. What I thought would once bring me joy I am starting to kindof hate. Hate being a very strong word but when I think about the sacrifices that were made long ago one can’t deny how superficial we have become.

My heart longs to be back with the Earth virtually living off the Earth. I think if I could change one thing about the way I live that would be it. I was brought onto this Earth in 1979 where my Grandparents still milked a cow. We had chickens and eggs and fresh baked bread made even greater with fresh turned butter. By today standards we were eating like royalty everything was made with love. The freshest of fresh. Even the frozen vegetables were fresh shucked peas and corn by yours truly.  I remember when we got a taste for bacon. My Dad raised these pigs from lil piglets to feed us. Every Autumn or whole family would come together and harvest the hay that was required to feed the cows over the winter and the spring. Of course as a family we would come together and cut and wrap the beef that would sustain us over the year. Every part was being used. Even the skins of the beast that fed us was carted off to a shoe maker. Why waste their lives that served us great purpose and kept us alive. I guess that is how I became to see animals more than just a lifeline they all became my friends. Sometimes we could convince our Grandpa to save our favorite cow and for a short period it would work but eventually we would all come together as a family and be teased over a rump roast that what we were in fact eating was Cuddles the cow.

The way we were raised people get laughed at for living like that now. We are judged constantly by these material possessions telling anybody who will listen and those out of earshot we can just flash our wealth too. So where and how was it decided how we would evaluate one’s character? One can’t deny that those of privilege had lucked out in some way. Digging deeper throughout history we will find tales of those done wrong. Will taking what is owned right now and putting it back into the right owners hands erase the mistakes in the past? How can it with our heads shoved up each other’s materialistic asses.

What bothers me so much is what happens after death. I mean the promise of what was once forever forgotten, lost in time. Did they even exist at all or were they just all made up in my mind. I feel this great sadness when I read about anybody filled with youth just like me. I wonder when I am long and gone if anybody will read a story based upon me. Right now my next literary journey takes me to a story about World War 2. Already it talks about a young boy who would get up 3 hours early to deliver papers. He put all of his earnings into the bank and lost it all during the Great Depression. What was once catastrophic then means nothing now. Just like now will eventually mean nothing then. Just us looking backwards once again.

My obsession growing borderline as I try to consume all the knowledge and information that comes in that time. What was once a great evil is now right at our door. The loss of so many innocents doesn’t phase us anymore. We let tyrants impose these superficial rights and freedoms that we think brings us happiness but when you look at the hamster wheel of death and taxes that has us running full speed into nowhere I am ashamed that we have yet to know what true human sacrifice truly means. When the treaty of Versailles was signed we awoken a dangerous beast. Looking at facts it is hard to determine that if we didn’t impose all these embarrassing restrictions and humiliate a nation if he would have retaliated with a heavy fist. To me, at least it seems, that war resulted when we continuously imposed our beliefs onto a country that never asked for our input to begin with. Life is confusing and if we are constantly trying to defend ourselves how can we ever truly know what life is right?

I understand how our lives should feel incredibly important and value to ourselves. How can any other being now what truly makes us tick? It is hard for me to try and determine the directional course that I want my life to head in. I don’t want to go blindly into the night without acknowledging those who laid the ground work for me to be able to do so. Without human sacrifice we wouldn’t be able to stand where we are now. We wouldn’t be able to accumulate the possessions or wealth so freely. Where once evil stood on the shores of America we fail to see that at one time we were that same great evil too. Pretending to be friends only to reduce their existence to ash laughing every step of the way. Who can deny that there is still great pain intertwined into every life line. What if there was a way to remove that pain ever so gradually and replace it with a truth of existence that makes sense? Who are we until we are able to right the wrongs of those before us. Of course we can’t rewrite history but we can write in the part where we care. Don’t you feel ashamed that somewhere along the line there was a time where families lines became extinct because humans decided so. We are doing the same things with the other inhabitants of the Earth. Evil doesn’t want to share the gifts of the Earth. The self righteous mind will do anything to keep others at bay. My mind tirelessly looks for the pieces that may come together and try to make sense of what became of the living that now lies broken some extinct.