By My Own Hands

Another late post that has me wondering would anybody notice if I just didn’t exercise my mind to write my daily post? My husband always rolls his eyes and it truly is the source of so much resentment. I made a committment to myself almost 2 years ago that I would write daily and read daily. It was my promise to myself to improve my life in some way. Something that gave me more of a daily purpose. Something to look forward. Before the chaos I loved to volunteer and practice my violin daily but with the World shutting down and a new normal settling I had to make some adjustments along the way. I exceeded my own expectations when I received the title of Face of Daisy 2020 USA/Canada. Truly feeling excitment with photoshoots and opportunity how was I to know what the Universe had in mind.

I made a committment to myself and to the company that I would create fresh new content for my instagram, http://www.instagram.com/sweetrubybluez. Having something else to gauge my success on was very exciting. I tried to embrace these growing on-line communities with open loving arms how was I to know there were so many wolves amongst sheep. Being removed from toxic surroundings I found myself brimming with love. We havd taken in some small critters along the way (so far a skinny pig, chinchilla and 2 of our budgies have a 3 week old baby). Me and my husband though are fighting like cats and dogs as the dogs bug the cats. It feels like from the time my feet hit the floor there will be no rest for a very long while.

My mind in overdrive has long since fried. It is hard to maintain a calm, loving demeanor when every second that goes by is consummed by another living thing it is hard to find a minute to even think. Social media is the worst though, the black hole of time giving a weird sense of entitlement and well being. Some people are always going to hate you. They have the biggest crocodile smile and they are dying to rip you to shreds with those gleaming whites. I have been chomped on a few times but I am setting very clear boundaries in a way I have never ever done before.

It is not success that bothers most people. It is the genuine happiness that emits from genuine people. At first in this new energy force field you will want to fit against it. For some odd reason your warning bells go off even though you are safe. The reason for anxiety at first is it is an unusual feeling. So many like to pretend like they are so good and pure but nothing could be less than true. Spending enough time you can see the fractures in their foundation a real wickedness will seep through.

So like a salmon trying to fulfill their destiny how do I decide if what I am doing is worth all the work. Of course my days are full of taking care of so many living beings because that is what I agreed to. In the late hours when I am frantically trying to accomplish my goals I do feel proud if I can get it all done. Especially when it is done all by my own hands there is no better feeling in life than that.

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