Who do you cry for when there is nobody left to mourn? Can you even shed a tear for those that were stolen from us way too soon without even knowing who they were? Can you feel the way the World beats a little bit differently now that they are gone or do you forget what it truly means to love somebody else other than yourself? Can you lay yourself on the line in the hopes that in doing so that a better day can be born or will you waste away in the shadows hoping nobody notices your cries? The biggest burden that any one soul will ever be able to bare is the weight of the World that is forever imposed on their souls. What if I told you that the main reason why you breath today is that a stranger whom you have never met decided that whoever you were destined to be far outweighed any pain and torture that they were ever going to receive. I can’t forget their sacrifice. My question I pose to you though is what are you willing to sacrifice for the future that is yet to come? “The connection formed by a threat to one’s country is the strongest connection of all. People adopt one another, march together. Only capture or death can tear them apart.” – Madame Fourcade.

Anywhere you look the country is divided. Not just the one beyond my own borders but the one separated by the ocean floors. It is hard to believe the text that was pushed down our throats when I was younger. I remember the first time I was forced to ignore my own emotions and try to suppress them in a way that made others feel comfortable. Isn’t that the nature of our circumstances our desire not to upset other people? Or is it in the fact the opposite? Is it the wish to upset enough people that our World becomes more significant even for just a moment.? Our existence will mean nothing as soon as we take our last breaths. Our sacrifices, our pain, our tortured heart will once again be at peace just as it was once before but can we say it was all worth it?

The more I try to uncover the answers that my soul seeks the more unrest my heart feels. At the beginning of the year we were in a race to try and fight for equality but fighting for just one side will upset the rest of the World. From the time we all took our first breath filled with hope to the exhale of lies that were to follow we are all guilty in some way of failing mankind. I have to believe that an overinflated ego has left us all scrambling trying to understand our own destiny. Most of us feel that if only we were rich that all our problems go away. Once again look to the people you have chosen to adore. They have enough money to save most of us but they choose to buy another Buggati because it matches their shoes better. Those are our hero’s we chose to give our paychecks too instead of the real ones who gave up everything.

Everybody around me says I read to much. Maybe they are right but I am consumed and humiliated by their sacrifice. Consumed because I can’t help but feel so humbly honoured that they lived a life just like mine but it ended with torture and execution. That another human being with hands just like mine and eyes staring into the souls of another could eagerly pull a trigger and issue the finishing blow. ” It was known as the blood week in the Black Forest” where all Prisoners of War were led out into the forest and executed before the red troops came and forced them to surrender it was a final act of cowardice that could ever have blown. Instead of having these men and women, who were just like you and me returned back to their families they were reduced to shallow graves, fire pits and mud bogs. Somehow those golden arches don’t look so golden as millions of us flock to fast food places to feed our families. We say cooking a nourishing meal is far too time consuming and our tv programs we can’t miss, yet my stomach turns knowing that thousands stayed alive on watered down mold and maybe a few fruit flies. Of course I know that my life has value but it shouldn’t be worth more than those that never had a chance.

I remember foolishly thinking that when the Trade Towers fell I would find a way to honor those that were no longer with us. I envisioned them all walking through a forest and being absorbed into me. I felt the loss of potential and love that the World so desperately needed. Maybe if I would have known how farther we would fall I would have tried harder but I am only one and I thought who would care about me anyways. I just kept my nose down and drew myself in not sure where my life should lead. Every where I looked people were consumed with their own identity. We were all caught up in a race to a finish line that was never determined. It wasn’t just social media that became the poison we were all guilty of omitting facts to bend the outcome to have our desired affect. Social media became the vessel that could reach the masses in every corner of the World and threaten each and every one of ours existence. Look at how consumed we are with becoming popular. Once again I feel I would rather walk alone than join these cesspool of self celebration. I know who I am I don’t need to be recognized publicly for that. As long as at the end of each and everyday I can let go of the weight and transform it into something beautiful I will consider my existence a success.

“The years have passed, my friends have died, but their spirit is still alive. I should like to know that they will not be forgotten, that the divine flame that burned in their hearts will be understood.” – Madame Fourcade. We live our lives in a constant contradiction, what else can it be called. You see if you believe that you are reunited with y our loved ones after death and they are looking down at you then you have to ask yourself will they want to talk to you after seeing who it is you have become? Were you loyal to your life in their departure or did you become something that even you yourself would hate. You can’t believe that you have angels watching out for you as you conduct yourself in ways that hinder and harm another. How can you be reconnected with those that you lost if you aren’t even on the same wave length as they? I can’t tell you were I went when I left this World in the wee hours of the morning just over 3 years ago. What I can tell you that I can remember the way my Grandparents smelled on the last days that I saw them. That I remember the little knife scars on my Grandma’s fingers from all those years of peeling potatoes. I have recipes that come to my mind for no reason but when I make them they smell like home. I can’t stop the tears when I think of how it has been almost 2 decades since I got to walk into their house. Nothing else could matter as much to me as a guarantee that I one day get to be returned to them. This is why I can’t risk my life with others that are unsavoury. My family, my heart and soul tells me to live on my own path of self distinction and not to worry with those that get in my way. Evil walks amongst around us and just might be wearing a crinoline and an evil smile. with their intentions