Living Amongst the Pixie Dust

“I don’t look this way because of ignorance…I look this way because I like it. Anybody can look like a common Joe. I look like I came out of a Fairytale.” -Dolly Parton.

What is incredible to me is the constant ridicule about me fully embracing the image I want to present to the world. For me it is so much more than just the reflection of who I see when I look in the mirror I am trying to portray an image of confidence to my son to inspire him to shot for his biggest dreams. “You are just a stay at home housewife why does it matter?” It matters to me as I have always been told to dress for the life I want to live and besides being able to stay at home with my son I love dressing like a girl and everything else that comes with it. For the last 5 years this has been me. Short of having to work and wear a uniform I don’t know who I would be without my wing liner. Make-up obviously doesn’t define me, I just like how it feels to live my dream from day to day without the pressures and judgement that comes when leaving the sanctuary that has become my home.

You can’t help but feel happy when dressed to impress even when the person you are impressing is only yourself. You are the one who matters when you get up in the morning. As hard as it is to turn off the noise that may have deafened you from the day before sometimes it helps to focus your attention onto you for awhile. My favourite line that my husband likes to use is, “You have lots of free time.” I have no idea what he constitutes as free time but with the insanity that is always finding me when I am getting dolled up for the day it is sometimes the only free time that I get in the day, that is constantly interrupted by the way lol I have always been a goal oriented person hence how I fell into the Pin-up pageant arena. I like to have a gage on whether or not I am improving that is more than just photo likes. My whole life was set up in this fashion. I played competitive sports so it was easy to see how you compared and improved. It is almost impossible to say that in this Pin-Up Community because I for one hate winning. Obviously I do feel validated when I do hear my name but a piece of me is with the girls whose name isn’t called because I know how it feels as. I am happy in my life so the outcome isn’t my final destination. I truly hope that somebody sees one of my photos and is able to feel the magic stir from within.

When I think about the torment that happens to those that just want to find a safe place to shine it makes me want to go bolder, brighter, bigger. If there is no pillars of strength for the community to lean on what will happen to all the friends I have come to love? The ones who have come together after years of being told they weren’t good enough. We have all been teased by somebody or another and if you haven’t then chancers are you were the one that has always initiated this negative air and it is time to take a good hard look at you. Did you know that the definition of Pinup as defined as Merriam Webster is such: a large photograph, as of a sexually attractive person, suitable for pinning on a wall. What is key to note here is the sexually attractive part. Everybody on this green Earth is attractive to somebody. If you believe in the divine that will tell you that each and every one of us has another half so somewhere somebody is looking at your pictures saying, “dayum girl!” Compliments don’t come easy no matter what side of the attraction you lie on. Think about somebody you are crushing on hard, is it easy to tell them so? Especially if you think they think you are just an ogre and will probably laugh at you. So many of us find it easy to talk down to each other than to build each other up. It is almost like we think our own value goes down in doing so. We are all capable of being something beautiful and worthy enough to put on a wall but we let our own misconceptions dictate to us who we are comfortable being.

Some days dress like I have walked out of a fairytale because it reminds me of just how far I have become. I have never minded getting dressed to the nines and then go on to clean my house. I clean faster, have a pep in my step and somehow when it comes to impromptu dance offs with my son I feel like I got all the moves. I don’t need to live in a world where I am chasing love and acceptance because I have enough of all that already. Being able to settle and live courageously because I am safe inside the four walls of my family is something that I have never experienced before. I used to feel this shame for holding onto extra weight, not being fashionable enough being awkward in public now none of that matters. I have to shine in a way like I have never shined before knowing that the only person on this Earth that can break me is myself. I have weeded out bad intentions disguised as cheery eye friends. As a lady I am reminded to a conduct myself accordingly and in addition to loving myself it is ok to love others as well. Love in it’s purest form will be enough to light up anyway. Love yourself enough and you can truly feel the magic interwoven into everyday. Whoever it is that sets your soul on fire when you close your eyes is who you need to bring to the surface. No matter the cost, no matter the journey, you are worth it to get to a place of peace and harmony. There may not always be peace but your heart knows you are only just a mere pixie dust journey away to where your inner child escapes and your soul is set free.

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