While the rest of the World undergoes a lockdown here in my province we sit still. For us we are going to be the direct result of what happens when a leader cares more about profits over people. His reasoning for being slow to initiate closures and shutdowns was to try and ensure our local businesses survived. I guess somebody should have told him that we needed to survive this outbreak first. What is beginning to happen in the World is confirmation that we all should have demanded, none of us have any value to these we entrust to care for our country.
Look at how many anti-maskers are everywhere infecting people as they go because when they got out of bed they believed themselves to be above us. I am not talking about those that are unable to wear masks due to PTSD from an experience in their life. I am talking about those that insist that our lives are nothing more than a conspiracy theory and they will kill as many of us as it takes to prove their point, although indirectly. In every town there are these groups breathing their recycled air onto us and taking our rights and freedoms to be safe and healthy. How ignorant are those who conduct themselves in this way. I am not telling them to shut up, well now I am telling them to shut up, because here in our communities the numbers are going up hand over fist and you have a few over entitled few who think they should impose their beliefs on me. See how ignorant that sounds. If you don’t want to listen to why it is important to me to be overly cautious then I for one am tired of breathing your stank air.
The only thing that has become transparent is we are all replaceable in the eyes of those we thought were our friends. Look at the seamless way they forget about your existence in your great time of need. Look at it in the way that they will always place their needs ahead of yours. We are supposed to tend to our needs first but not at the expense of others. If we get pushed down a dark hall where we don’t recognize our surroundings it is ok to fight back until you find your back. We don’t always have to conform to the opinions and behaviours around us we just need to present ourselves better to the World and such. I have always held back in who I wanted to be out of fear of failure. Not failing myself but failing all those haters looking in. My biggest fear has always been somebody who wanted me to fail this whole time gets to point their shaky finger and tell me I told you so. The fear in me now knows better. I am no longer scared of falling, I am scared of not getting back up and not being able to let go. I fixate on that one thing that I think will change my life and I hold onto it with everything I have.
I sit. I watch. I observe. There are those that will always simply be no good in your life no matter how hard you try to make them fit. Some people are surrounded by so much negativity they have no choice but to drown you in their sorrows. Others will give you their life raft but it was built on nothing more than deceit and other’s well wishes and failures. We can’t be any better till we extend an open hand to save anybody on the other side who wants to take it. Regardless of what they look like on the outside give me heart. A beautiful person isn’t always the one with the biggest hair and best make-up. Sometimes they are the ones that although they may have disfiguring scars on the outside you would never know the horrors that they were forced to endure. Sometimes beauty is nothing more then a beautiful painting or sculpture that just stands there in The Met. Other times it reaches your soul and tugs at your heart only to open your eyes and discover that there is nothing there. Beauty comes in many forms and it truly resides in the eye of the beholder in it’s simplest form.
What is one person to do in a World filled with lust and greed and very little human compassion? You look for the gifts intertwined in everyday based from the stories that touch our hearts. My home is almost like a sanctuary with 3 dogs, 9 cats, 4 budgies (a baby budge), a skinny pig and a chinchilla. All were returned to the Humane society (sometimes twice). All had came with these hardened expressions on their faces from a life that had began to turn their backs on them. In my 40’s years I have never been happier then breaking through a hardened heart that I thought would never let me in. Some would say it is impossible to tell how much an animal is thankful for the role you play in their lives. I can tell you without a doubt they appreciate the fresh start, a second chance. Just like you and me are hesitant when it comes to having their heart broken again so are they. In essence I spend most of my day caring to these sweet beings that have done nothing more then become an expression of their parents love. They find ways to validate my existence in their life in so many ways you can’t help but feel filled with joy. It is in the way they follow you from room to room just to be in your presence. It is in the ways you wake up in the middle of the night to find yourself surrounded with felines looking for a snuggle or two. Other times when there is room my 120 pound puppy tries to wiggle in and be a part o f the pack. I guess that is what we are. Our own little pack brought together by another being telling us we weren’t good enough to share in their joy. The thought has crossed my mind that in doing so I have cemented myself where I stand. I could no longer imagine having such a carefree existence where the lives of others becomes a nuisance to me. Sure I would love to see the World one day if only it is my destiny. For every frustrated moment I have in this chaotic existence I express myself in the most magical way. I dance with the child I abandoned along the way to a song that comes alive in my heart. My fears of a selfish existence fade away as they blend into the notes of my past. As long as I am cautious where my feet hit the ground I can make it through anything. With love, light and a little bit of magic I am destined to find my way.