We all suffer from a strange sense of self righteous entitlement. Of course we do. It is this natural instinct of survival that makes us act the way we do. No matter which way we look at it you have to do what is right for you. Being depressed is easy. It is our excuse for everything, will the lack of doing anything. Oddly though it is when you are at your lowest that more people gravitate towards you. Not because they sympathise, because they do, it is also because we have this morbid fascination to watch another crumble in despair.
It is hard to express what I am thinking and feeling because it seems the category of life that I get lumped into is something to youthful for me to understand. Where most of the people I know have children going to high school I have a child who is still learning to pee in the pot. It is hard to relate to what these girls are engaged in on social media. For as long as I can remember I came from a two parent home that spanned over two generations. My Grandparents lived on the farm beside us so running across the field to a delicious home cooked breakfast was normal. Who doesn’t love freshly turned butter and eggs from the coop and a hot loaf of bread fresh from the oven. I don’t even think the word organic existed in because the food my Grandmother prepared 7 days a week would blow their mind.
There was always chores to be done, kind of because our house was always kept clean. Sometimes we would pick up after ourselves but for the most part my mo took very good care of us. everybody contributed to a healthy, happy home. This is what normal feels like to me and it is hard to relate to these twenty year old mothers who keep saying to their husband’s if you don’t like how dirty your house is why don’t you clean it. I get the thought process and women’s liberation and all that jazz but forgive me in saying this but if you are lucky enough to be able to spend your day leisurely with your child I don’t understand the level of disrespect. Maybe I used to but I am thinking it is my age that is telling me to take pride in the life you live and what you do. I couldn’t imagine stanposing for a picture with my breast pump on telling my husband to take a hike for the whole world to see. Maybe it is because I am so thankful to be able to have this opportunity with my son that I know there are thousands of women out there who would to be in the same position as me. Maybe it is because my husband works in a very dangerous job that requires all is mental attention and focus. Can you imagine him coming home to a bombshell of a mess after a strenuous day. There is a reason why it takes two to make a baby just like it takes all to make it work. Respect is truly earned and I watch my relationship change everyday as I become more attentive to my husband’s needs. It is not because I am being subservient. It is because truly I am thankful for the position I am in and I want to be the best role model I can be. I have little eyes that are studying my every move. If I don’t want to give my son the best fighting chance of being success in life I can sit back and complain about every little thing. My approach has been more of leadership role as I hope to set my family up for success.
I need to touch on something that is bothering me and I know I am going to offend somebody. I will never understand the family where both parents sit at home with a handful of kids with no plans of stopping having more. Living off the government during a time where so much is at stake is appalling. Having no medical, dental and worse yet hope is setting these children up for a path of disaster. With more than one Dad in the mix and no clear role model in their lives, not to mention we have no idea what will happen to our educational system in the next few years, just seems to be more about financial greed then pure love for your child. Where is the pride that should come in being a parent and being the best role model you can possibly be. Every day I ask myself I can I help enhance this lil being’s existence today. One thing I know is to keep a tidy house is up lifting for us all. It is good for our mood and it is good for our spirits and it begins to set the expectations for my son’s future. Greed is that green horned beast that tries and control everything that we do. Until you can lock horns and say no not today, not no more, this is an embrace that is going to be hard to let go.
Don’t get me wrong I still want certain things but I don’t value my existence on them. My families happiness and well being is first and foremost on my mind that even when I don’t have something that I want I am still filled with knowing that their needs are met. That is a value that can never be taken or touched by anybody else. The more I come to understand the existence of love long ago the easier it is to put it into perspective now. I am happy now in this existence that the only thing I truly want is a world that is also free to say the same.