Tortured Past of the Present

I can fixate my eyes upon the horrors that is are draw myself deeper in to where it all began. We forget so seamlessly that there were those that have lived these trouble lives before us yet they have always found their way to the back of our minds. Look at how cheaply we valued our lives. There is made in taiwan pieces of glass strewn everywhere as we threw everything Canadian made away. Even now if you posses any of these treasures you should follow suit and dispose of these things immediately. The chances that they were made by racist uneducated hands is a very real possibility and our ignorance will show us the way.

From the moment we were conceived in the womb so was our potential for something great. It saddens me when I learn of others not having the same fortified beginning but who are we to say what is valuable and what is not. For as long as I can remember we valued our families and always stayed close to home. Where once we would hold our heads if we failed to make it out of the mother’s inner circle now I hold my head up and ask why. Why does it matter what path I chose in this life as long as the direction that I am headed on is meant for me. I can handle some brambles and heaven forbid even some obstacles along the way but now it seems that as I continue to move forward all that is in front of me is this unexplainable darkness that wants to eat us all while we are alive.

I wonder what brings another soul to our presence without even asking for it to be done. Two bodies unite under passion and conceive the next brilliant mind to be. As we race towards fame or at least a hope that we may one day achieve, we forget that little bean growing inside of us. We don’t think of nurturing their soul as our only hope goes toward providing the basic essentials of life. At least that is what most mother’s should gravitate towards. We took the highest esteemed profession there ever was and twisted it to mean of something lower than a decrepit monster living under the bed. At least that is what I see when I look into the sea of what is known as massed media. We make fun of the mother who gave her whole life to stare into the eyes that would look deeply back into hers. The moments of serenity between mother and child we distort and make it seem like these moments of slumber are few and far in between. The magic of youth is lost as we make up these torrid tales of monstrous looming husbands who appear in our lives more like dictators then the loving sons they used to be.

We are already set up to fail in some sense as the real dictators take control of every aspect of our lives. We are merely the puppets in their twisted game of piracy and control. All you have to do is look outside your doors and see the mania that is now a common sight. Empty shelves that we took for granted that were meant to nourish our families. Like some sort of game that we all lost we see the staples we have come to know and took for granted getting removed from our lives. In every way things are changing but what is consistent is that our reality is never going back to what it used to be like before. My reality has already changed from the eyes of a child to those of a mom. My heart hasn’t been hardened by a world that tried so hard to get me to believe in anybody else’s life but me. My heart is as pure as the first day that I took my first breath. I honour my first home still but not as much as I would like. All I ever wanted was to redesign the house into something more modern, more fitting but if I do it will lose the look and feel that has put my soul at ease all through these years.

I wonder when our eyes begin to change and we hate what lays out in front of them. All I see is this life I built in the company of my husband and anything outside of that fails to make any sense. The comfort and love that greets me every morning when I open my eyes is the only comfort I need when faced with this cold, cruel world. Why would we laugh at those who are sick and losing their lives like they had a choice from the beginning when it was all started for them all? What kind of humans have we become when we stand out in the streets in public domains shouting obscenities when the real heartbreak is safely hidden in the shadows of your past. If you were happy in your own existence why would you so foolishly impose the beliefs that got us all here. Whether or not what you believe to be truth is a hoax why would you so willingly infect those with your lies and take away their last breath and replace it with your own? Even if what we know to be real was a lie it was all laid out in the open for yet another tyrant to get rich on our demise. This is the life we signed up for as we watch our political leaders fall to the wayside as their poisonous drug is administered. I don’t need another hoax all I need is the truth that can be found inside me, something pure, real and untouched for the harmful eyes of men. If I keep my truth inside these walls to live another day will they finally be strong enough to stand and withstand the wrath of fury that is sure to be there waiting to greet us in it’s place? I am furthest from arrogant as I leave all that I thought I knew for something that was born inside me while I sleep. The only truth that I nurture now is safely tucked asleep. Away from the tortured past of the present that threatens to awaken our dreams.

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