If this pandemic has taught me anything is that maybe I don’t like people as much as I thought. When we first began to learn about this virus we had more than ample opportunity to bite this bug back where it stood yet we allowed it to grow bigger and faster than we are capable of handling. Whether we want to believe that is was a hoax or something dreamed up by big pharma to get richer our reality is it will kill somebody we love.

I stayed at home and did what I thought was all the right things only to learn that a majority believed that this pandemic was above them and their friends. Where I committed myself to my own personal growth and acknowledging other lives that have come on gone others have taken it upon themselves to engage in parties and sports and other gatherings to spread their germs. It almost seems like an air of self righteous entitlement has gripped them telling them it’s time to reassess their grip on the social ladder. At first I wanted to do my part to keep these communities strong through virtual means but as those I know begin to fall victim to this nightmare I can’t help but withdraw myself deep into my cave.

What is alarming to me is we have this time, like many other generations before us, to lead by example and show just how courageous and fearless we truly are. Our beast may have no face but it will bring us to our knees quicker than the fear of an atom bomb. Just like when both hit there targets you can ensure anarchy ensues. There is only one mind that conceive that their whole being is worth more than all the lives that have ever walked before them. I see it in the way we mock anybody different then us. We ridicule the lives whose only value was to stay at home and care for their family out of love and not fear. We think that somehow through the years our professional sacrifice allows us to celebrate us telling off our partner’s after a hard day’s work yelling at them to cook there own damn dinner showcasing our lack of etiquette at best. If your home has now become your office and your constantly shuffling filth from one side of the room to the next side to capture the moment of a happy exhausted stay at home mom. Just because you are staying at home that is no reason to celebrate just how lazy you can be. I wonder what it is you do with the minutes you are granted in each day there is more then enough time to perfect your trade and show pride in your family, a honor that is not granted to many.

There was a woman who has tested positive in our surrounding community. Not to shocking of course because so many will also fall victim in this way. Where her actions become that of what can only be sub human is that she continued on her day to day, with no mask I might add, citing it is her right to not wear a mask and shop where she pleases. Her story was splashed across the news and an alert was issued in her name warning those who might find themselves in her presence to stay away. How gross is it for anybody to feel that sort of self righteous entitlement that she feels hat will lead her to infecting all. Reminds me of the time in the 80’s when AIDS was first and foremost on all of our minds. I man after finding out he was positive went out and intentionally infected hundreds more. This is the side of the world that makes it easier for me to continue to self isolate even when all the warnings have been lifted and a successful cure has been found.

For the most part this time around I feel a little bit lost. My ego didn’t swell to the proportions of those I thought my circle was a part of. I am tired of using the means available to us to hurt my brothers and sisters to fit the mood of the day. What I learned from this pandemic is that the value is truly within my four walls. Here I can control the lives inside and help them flourish in ways that they never thought possible in the lives that they have lived so far. I take the time in each day to try and get to know the beings in my presence in the hopes we can communicate in ways not heard of before. When we start moving forward and ignoring the white noise that we have been accustomed to we can see all the little ways that nature provides a bridge between the two. Is it common sense that tells me that my skinny pig hates cabbage or is it the way he chatters at me in disgust when I fill his plate with the green stuff. Do I take the time and try to understand or do I close the cage in ignorance content that I gave him some sustenance why should I care if he hates it or not? The chinchilla I was told wouldn’t show affection but now here she is curled up on my slipper waiting for her daily treat. We take for granted the words that are spoken and take them as the golden rule of thumb. There are days when I only hear my voice out of anger at the dogs who refuse to listen as they establish their rank in their own pack. Don’t be fooled though at the end of each day when exhausted from all the play they all come to me and curl up beside me before they drift off to sleep. Animals sleep in a pack to ward off potential prey. It is the animal instinct in them. Here in our slumber we don’t have to worry about the toxicity levels of the rest of the world because we have done our part to keep the evil at bay.

Why was it so hard to tighten up the reins and stop the potential onslaught that was sure to follow. If conspiracies are right and it was engineered by humans who is not to believe that this is exactly what the virus was made for? It missed it’s mark last winter season and hit us hard in the Spring. Now because of human ignorance and that selfish air of “it will never happen to me” we have helped it gain momentum as one of our greatest seasons of togetherness looms in our mist. What if the desired outcome of this virus hasn’t been realized yet? If this is an attempt at germ warfare it will peak when we are all at our weakest. With so much political uncertainty and the faith and hope of so many already disturbed we sit here like ducks on a frozen pond waiting to be picked off one by one. Or task was simple. Stay at home. Stay safe and stay loved. For those that have to work in order to keep their lives safe we should adhere to the rules that have been handed down to us by the professionals in the fields instead of pretending to know more than they. We are fools by our own making and will reap what we sow. Just like any virus that is so eager to take hold so are each and every one of us to reach that pinnacle we call success. I wish we could slow down and see how it is we are affecting each other in ways that we never seemed possibly because after all we are out there just living our lives, right? To endanger somebody you don’t know because of your idea that your life is worth more than theirs is the very reason why I will lock my doors and throw away the key. I don’t need to know that their is a madman walking amongst us I can already tell by the crowd he has attracted around him. With the blind leading the blind and all others left to go astray, I will retire myself to the mountainside far away from where others will go. I never wanted to turn my back on humanity but humanity has turned their back on me. I don’t want to live in a world so self righteous when all I truly want is a chance to just live my life and simply be.