Empower Me to the Grave

It is hard in the World we live in to want to empower the group we most resemble. The World is so segregated by design and poisoned by power it is any wonder that we are able to achieve anything on our day to day. My drive has always been to find the turn in the way we value our families. Life would have no doubt been difficult during a period when women were left uneducated. Partly it was a direct attempt of older husbands to keep their wives under thumb. There was little or no chance of separating from your husband back then because your very worth and identity had to change in order to breathe value into the female existence. There wasn’t much to do but conceive children and try to maintain the health and prosperity of all. Divorce was frowned upon because once the deed was signed you truly became the property of the man. The older you became the least valuable you were. The best you could hope to be was a teacher or tutor for somebody else’s kids, a constant reminder of how you failed as a woman.

When it comes to supporting each other there is incredible value in trying to build each other up so we are free to live our best lives. Free from the chains of the past we defined lost generations we need to find some way to honour their existence and not minimize their struggles and find a way to bring their beliefs to the day to day. Somewhere through the course of time I think we side stepped a little too far which has allowed a tyrannical force to enter and threaten all that we should know. Why have we created such an existence where the powers that be are content with us working our fingers to the bone. What were once pure white aprons are never heavily saturated in blood to remind of us just how hard it was to get here and how we sacrificed all in doing so. Of course a course correction is necessary to open all of our eyes. You can see how little the test is working by what we whine about most.

My mental health when not monitored daily has the potential to take me on a roller coaster ride. I am lucky in the sense that I feel like I am in a controlled up swing that allows me to think subjectively instead of irrational thinking to the core. What makes others depressed isn’t the same for all. When one cries over a devastating heart break another cries over spilled milk. Each mental anguish threatening the remains of what used to be a still mind. I like to tell my husband I focus on the words that are not heard and he just looks at me like I have completely lost my mind. Words mean nothing to me as we all can spew a rambling of sorts to try and calm a suspicious mind. It is what is not said that captivates me. Did he just roll his eyes? Cross his arms? Did his left foot slip a little farther back then the right and turn slightly in indicating that he wants to leave? My newest obsession of trying to have a compassionate heart for all has left me sitting silence most of the time.

Maybe that is my role is to empower the art form that each one of is by celebrating the difference that each on of us brings. In a world of conformity isn’t it nice that what makes individuals is something that is total within our control? Nobody can truly stop us from being ourselves and those who do can be cut out of our lives faster than a slice of peperoni pizza on game day. I am guilty of wanting to celebrate my own differences but questioning others for when they do. Not always but sometimes I ask myself, I wonder what made them do that? Just because my young mind was still trying to work out all the kinks doesn’t mean that I will not learn to identify the error of my ways. It is hard to know the right path to be on because we are all going our own ways. I forget that what we each do for our own survival is different. Our journey’s, although running parallel, rarely intersect the same way. That is what makes this experience so beautiful and willful, it is in the hoping and knowing what is to come. If I can sit here and say please forgive me because there was a period in my life where I was lost in embrace with my own skeletons then it must be believed that others had faced a similar struggle as I. Why would I be so quick to say trust me when I can’t utter the words about somebody else? How does one go from wanting to empower to wanting to forgive? Can we forgive those that have hurt us terribly and learn to trust them or anybody again? Do we need to have those close to the heart or can we live guarded and cordial all the time?

There has to be a key to our existence that we are so quick to over look. Could it be something so simple that has been right in front of us this whole time? Could it be that somewhere along the way the true answer was given o another that has kept it from us this whole time? Using our lives for their own greatest payoff leaving us all broken and dreading on what is next to come? The biggest lie is the one we keep telling ourselves that makes us believe that if we try hard enough we will be the best that ever was. The only truth that comes is in believing that you are the best version of you that ever was and stop comparing yourself to those that pale in comparison anyways. You will always be the best version of you and there is no reason to intentionally step on anybody to get to where you are going in life. In the end we all end up in the same place together anyways. There really was no need to rush ahead or over. Is it weird that we are reminded about this 6 feet of separation in our day to day? Of course when we die we die alone. Why is it that when we live we need to be surrounded by all the things we can not have?

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