I Am Tired

I am tired. I am scared. I am lonely. I am obsolete. All I know as the days turns into months all I am certain of is I am tired of seeing the selfishness ooze from so many. I know all of our livelihoods are at stake. What I can’t help but wonder is if we just adhered to all the recommendations that were made our way if things would have turned out this way. We are the product of our own demise. We did this to each other. How ironic is it that the same people who decided to attend parties and allow their filth air fly are the same ones to get level with the heavy iron fist.

I am not on anybody’s side. Is there a conspiracy at work who am I to say? Is the demon alive and well in all of us using our need to feel like we belong as the very fuel it needs to come out in full force and taunt the rest of us with it’s evil ways. We were warned. We were told. Who were we to decide what is real and what is fake. All that we should have heard was this virus spreads and it will kill those you live without ridicule and conscious thought of who it feeds. All I see in the world that we live in is this wasteland filled with anger, fear and hate and no foreseeable end in sight. Our weaknesses have been exposed and like so many who dared to take their seat at the head of the table will take their last breath as the rest of us break bread.

Don’t be surprised or hold fear in your heart. We knew this day was coming long before it took to our borders and raged through our cities. Why now are we acting opposed to the tyrant’s who lead us here like a horse drawn to water. The beast is alive and well feeding on all of those in it’s wake. I felt his presence long ago. I was the beast, inside of me that makes me embarrassed to hold my head up most days. There were so many days when all I could think about was giving up and joining up to the heavens infinite sorrow and light. Don’t you feel anything? Anything at all? All I hear is the hearts of mother’s breaking everywhere as we feed on their first born. Nobody had a chance we already lost this war. The war that started when we were first posed with the question who’s hand do you take? Do you take the hand of your father and mother who gave you life or do you take the hand of another who gives you purpose?

The battle that has been going on in our souls is about to collapse. I am scared for where it will leave us when it is all said and done. Yes there is corruption. Our world was built on it. Why are we so shocked that the house of lies that were built is started to crumble down. We are resisting actual facts and the truth that spilled so many innocent creatures blood. Why do we worship a Queen who’s entire fortune is seeded from another beings collapse. Yes she battled the demon but ask yourself what righteous woman would adorn these artifacts bestowed on her from another’s blood being spilled? I am tired of the materialistic world that consumes us. Our weakness being exposed. It is like rolling over and exposing your under belly to your enemy. It is only a matter of time before he can no longer resist his urge, his need to feast.

I am so disconnecting now from the outside world. Any glimpse into it is like nails on a chalkboard sending electric under currents to my soul. I know I am going to die, eventually but like in the truest spirit of mother’s everywhere I will not allow this evil to take my first born. This is a test on all of us that is asking the eternal question what is your purpose, why are you here? We can’t keep ignoring this chance of salvation that has been presented to us in it’s simplest form. What is important to you? Think seriously about that answer. Before you try to convince me that your family and friends are most important to you I want to know what have you done to make this pandemic go away? You can’t be so bold in your outward presentation to the world. This isn’t about you and what you want other’s to see. This virus is what is killing you and me. Everyday I battle my own existence and what I am trying to protect from becoming poisoned to the core. It is in the smile of my first born and the light that he still has in his eyes that there might be some good left in this place. Something worth fighting for. Resist the rapture and all that it will take as it cleanses the Earth. This was all of our own doing when we made the choices that were free to you to make. I am tired. So tired. Of grieving for this selfless, soulness world. Keep breathing in your poisonous air and act like this disease isn’t coming for you. It already has you when you fight against your need to be out in public spreading your hate. You just left what you said was most important to you exposed ready to be victimized by the next beast who needs to feed. It is so hard to know what is right in a world that is so hell bound and determined to prove us all wrong. We are all going crazy but there is some peace coming right? What is at stake when this vaccine is ready to be distributed to us all. We will all rush to accept what somebody else has told us will make everything all right and continue on our days like none of his happened. Does anybody else remember what was happening before this virus was exposed and clouded over all of our common sense? There are demons in our mist engaging in depraved acts with the very product of our love. Right before their ring was exposed we were hit with an invisible enemy that only others could see. I am tired. I am scared. I am lonely. I am obsolete.

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