The first time I got bit by this I got bit hard. It always seems when we least expect it the unexpected happens. I learned the hard way the importance of taking out to not only love others but to love yourself. We all get an opportunity at life but we all live our lives differently. it never made sense that some would live a life of luxury and others would be destitute and poor. Worse of all are the lives taken way to soon before their purpose even comes to fruition. The gift of life. The beauty of life. That is what I truly seek. So far in all the steps I have taken it seems the most important is learning to pay attention. Recognize the ebbs and flows that greet each day and learn to live differently.

I have always felt that somewhere we as humans have gotten it all wrong. At least Westernized humans have. Content on sucking the life out of all living things we fail to recognize what is right in front of our eyes. All life is born to die and because we all exist in this same life wouldn’t that mean that we will also follow each other in death too? Why are we so scared of the idea? My latest read “Tuesdays with Morrie” takes me through the life of man named Morrie who is dying of ALS. One of his former students wrote a list of topics to discuss: death, fear, aging, greed, marriage, family, society, forgiveness and a meaningful life. Can you even imagine what it would feel like to learn that you were dying. That your time on Earth was ticking down at a faster rate that usual. Morrie says that you need to embrace that fear in order to get through it. You feel hints of what the pain would feel like because it is almost impossible to imagine. I try to brace myself for the inevitable because eventually death does occur.

If you had one last thought if you were making your ways out it would be to let those you know that you love them and you appreciated all the time that you spent. When you start valuing your time and looking it as possibly your last possible day you can’t help but gravitate towards that have always been there. A mistake I made was thinking that I was alone in this world and I am not. I wanted somebody to recognize me and love me for everything that was me. In my frustration of trying to make it seem like that person wasn’t already in my inner circle I started grasping for anybody. Fame, wealth, fortune doesn’t comfort you in the end. I saw like a deer in the headlights probably the biggest mistake of all time. If I love those that already love me I can’t help but feel happy. Spending time surrounded by my family and really taking the time and paying attention to love them the way they have always wanted to be loved. Isn’t that what we always wanted? Somebody else to notice us to make us not feel alone in the world?

Even with my husband and all our struggles we did take a vow of marriage. For better or for worse, sickness and in health, till death do us part. Why did we stop acting like loyal committed beings and acting more like the black widow hiding in the shadows? We want everything for nothing and when we think we can trade up for an easier ride we take the first train ride to nowhere, destination 1, weight crippling. The hardest lesson that anybody would have to learn that as you age you become unlovable. My husband goes to work everyday and works very hard even when he isn’t feeling well. We are both a little spoiled, me and my son that is and we are very lucky and fortunate to have the life that we have.

“Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.” If you let yourself be tied emotionally to another this will only result in incredible pain. By being attentive to who is in front of you you allow love to flow freely between the two. Love that lasts is more than just a physical act. It is knowing that those who you chose to love and invested your time also thought the same about you. Imagine the betrayal that overtakes you as you succumb to your anger when you come to the end of your life anybody is there to say goodbye to you. There is fear that comes with dying that we aren’t going to be remembered for doing or having anything good. What if what you were doing was loving those around you and having you in their life was the greatest gift. We truly do have it with ourselves to start each day anew. To truly let go of all the weights that prevent you from living the life you were destined to live. Think about life and all the ways that it finds a way to continue on and survive. Life survives. The essence of life always continues. Who are we to try and distort the meaning that makes the most sense anyways. Love is what we all go out in search for even though it is love that keeps us here on Earth. Without those around us paying attention life would cease to have any meaning. What life validates our existence more then the one we have control of, the one that is our own? The only thing in life that is worth giving our absolute attention to are those lives who we can always count on to have our backs. The lives that we are connected to spirituality, bonded by faith and love. Imagine being given the time to pay attention and take it all in. What becomes important to you in your final weeks, days, hours? Have you made all your amends that you have been putting off so you can rest easy with an open heart? What is stopping any of us now from taking a serious look at our existence and begin to live it equally. I will never understand who determined the pecking of order of life, nor do I want to. Something is seriously amiss when there are food in the stores yet empty belly’s begging to be fed. As an individual if we don’t live up to our expectations of living honourable and humbly we will arm our fellow man. The only time we will recognize the error in our ways is when we are banging on death’s door ready to confess all of our sins. What if the list was to long and your eternal rest was disrupted? We don’t know for sure yet we all follow like goats. I think I am ready for greener pastures to love freely and see what is next in store. Nothing since te dawn of time has truly made anyone of successful till we learn to pay attention to each and every one of us.

“Each night, when I go to sleep I die. And the next morning, when I wake, I am reborn.”