Miserable Discontent

There is something seriously wrong here in the way we pretty much do everything. Doesn’t it seem more like a wayward set up then an honest portrayal of self? If you are confused by where this is goin so am I. All I can say is that I don’t like the direction the World is heading in. I hope I can instill enough truth and good in my son until then. Directly I am thinking of the way we sexify ourselves to get any sort of attention. The attention we get though better be coming from a Hollywood heart throb or I am going to shriek and put the pervert on blast for the World to see. I am confused on why women do this. We want attention as long as they meet up to our specifications and if not well you better watch out. It has been deeply inbreeded into men to appreciate the beauty of a wo man and instead of coaching them in the error of their ways we set them up to be serial rapists and worst yet killers.

I am objectifying and I know that it is going to anger a lot of individuals but does any of this make sense at all. What we all should value most is our inner center our inner light. I know the annoying slide into the DM’s of yet another unwanted picture has left little to be desired. There is no courting on any side, anywhere, chivalry is long dead or on reserved for Grandmother’s. We have shot so far the other way no wonder why it is so confusing. We try to empower each other by wearing less and less. We tell ourselves by showing as little as possible we are in fact showing how confidence we truly are. I have taken pictures and in some cases nothing but it was always more for the statement and not to try and get a rise out of a poor Joe’s pants. I am all for empowering women but I am also weary of a man’s fragile ego. Nothing angers a man more when there advancements aren’t reciprocated. I am sure we have all heard the many ways we have indicated to a man we “wanted” it. Just that statement alone should indicate what kind of men we are dealing with here. Men are like the hunters and women are their bait. You can however set proper boundaries to ensure you are treated with respect but in order to teach a dog new tricks you better be consistent in all your efforts.

See for me I love to play the damsel. My husband though is content on getting me to do all the work. No matter the weather or the outfit I am in I can be found to be doing a multitude of household chores that I would much rather leave up to a man. My role is VERY important in these fragile stages of a man’s development. What he learns in our relationship and how we interact with each other is what he will seek when he is older. There is a lot of stress when it comes to knowing that. I think this is one of the main reasons why I had to step away. I have always been desired to be known for being a lady and some of the things I have seen going around, let’s just say it makes me cringe. I had to step away from competing because it is like two different sports colliding together. What I see is imagery that would make me feel ashamed in the context that I grown accustomed to and it would be false for me to continue on this path. I am evolving into a form that doesn’t rely so much on the outside acceptance and gratification of the outside World. I have spent enough years avoiding who I am and my true calling and truth be told it is time I return to my roots. I am all for body positivity and confidence and I hope to reflect that in my own way.

I don’t need an identifier to give me a sense of self. What I have grown to love is still very much a part of me. There is not to much changing in that respect. I just don’t want to compete or to be compared to anyone anymore. Anytime that I have asked to be judged there as been so much backlash that has gone with. My heart knows my truth and my heart knows the reasons why I smile and I would rather spend every last minute basking in that light then facing another night down in the dumps.

I get caught up when I try to trace back my existence. Who was my first family member to every step foot on this Earth. Is their body still here? Is it still decomposing? Can I find the answers I seek and more if I can find the lost trail that brought men onto these shores? When you think about how far back life goes and how little of it is recorded all you can do is hold on to whatever sense of self you remember. Life, my life, your life there has to be so much more to it all. We have it in us to live free. We have it in us to love free. Yet we sit here in miserable discontent

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