Imprinted on our hearts are tiny little footprints that remind us how to get back to who we used to be. There is so much destruction hidden as construction that is tempting fate and rebuilding all of our futures. If we were meant to reach the sky then we would have reached it long ago. What happens to a civilization who keeps tempting our fates? They and everything they held so dear will be reduced to rubble and they themselves will suffer a similar fate. Every secret we have ever hoped to hear has already been whispered in our ears. The sounds of an Empire crashing world makes it impossible to hear. The Oceans keep on beating as they will hold every secret. All that ever was and all that ever will be will once again wash up upon the shores. If we don’t take the time to still our thoughts to match the rhythm of the ocean’s beat how will we ever realize how far we are meant to go.
Are we selfless or selfish. The later is all that I can see. With my ear long out of shot I begin with something simple by surrounding myself with pictures of family to let them know how much their presence was appreciated. I have to go on something familiar, something I recognize from long ago. With my eyes baring witness to the lives that made me, I go on to fill my house with the smells of my youth to welcome those in passing that my eyes can no longer see. There is a feeling that washes over me. All my hairs stand on end. It is in this moment I am reminded how blissful my upbringing was like Spring blossoms in a garden that needed a tend. Not yet in full bloom but with the right eye and heart who knows how one will blossom. There was always so much hope built on love to see us through. Then once one wall started to crumble so did the others in unison. Only the foundations lays sturdy to remind us that we can still get there. As a mother in today’s current times how do I replicate a feeling that so many now shun and deem a failure by today’s modern standards and beyond.
I am a victim of venturing to far into open pastures, now looking for a way back. The many years that divided us ensured that nothing would remain the same. How do you remember the eyes of a child when you can’t even recognize them as adults. With free mind comes free will and not everybody will feel the same. Not everybody views life as something to be experienced but also something that can bring you joy. My mistake was trying to dilute my presence to an outside world that will never understand my truth. I dare to live my life differently but that is because I have so much more to lose. There is much more now at stake than yester year. And that stake is my root left when I pass. The gift I gave the World. The part of me that keeps on living long after I am gone. At least that is the hope.
My dream came to me when I never expected it. Just like they always say. Good fortune comes to those who work hard and give back to the Earth even when the views of others are just to scold. There are so many misguided souls out there that have been sucked up into this vortex of materialistic competition and hate. There are those who settle for just something because they no longer want to wait. There is having standards. In fact you should always set them high. But what I found what I ended with is almost an exact mirror image of my Dad. Both are hard workers and would give and do anything for their families. Children are the center, almost like an invisible glue so to say. I think that is what made the division between my mom and dad so great. My dad was happy having a life companion somebody to grow old with in old age. My mom more or less wanted a drinking partner, somebody who appreciated her, at the very least somebody who noticed her when she entered the room. The one thing I kinda hate about getting older is how obvious things seem when you are looking back at them. That’s what makes me want to learn as much as I can and pass on as much wisdom as I can because being smart and being wise or almost complete polar opposites.
There is book smarts and street smarts and probably a multitude of variations just the same. What applies good when written could probably get you killed in the streets. What way do we chose? Always the way to survive. I couldn’t imagine an existence where my son couldn’t thrive but so many million of children do. Right now living with me can be the next messiah, a superstar, a living legend or whoever else he deems himself worthy to grow into being. What I need to do is live by example, live with purpose and always let my best light shine on through. It’s not going to be easy. And it is not going to be easy but it is so I can help mold that little mind. I know all the horrible choices where I should have bobbed left instead of turning right. There were those who were trying to lead me and then there were those who were trying to take me astray. For me individually there has to be lesson to be learned along the way. Nobody suffers for nothing. There is nothing that we can’t endure no matter how painful it seems life goes on. If you can find the hidden meaning intertwined within that moment then maybe it will all begin to make sense. Nothing happens for no reason. Even the things that at the time make absolutely no sense. It is a course correction to live your life differently, to count your blessings and move on. Life was meant to be lived and loved and you can’t do that if you are gripping hard onto the past.