Living Anew

I have a million thoughts racing at me and I am trying to decipher them rationally. At the very least in a way that makes sense. Make sense to me. Maybe to you. Maybe even both if I am lucky. What I feel in this moment is this longing to connect with those that think just like me so we can cocoon together until the World stops hurting. You may think it is not possible but I can tell you it is true. The more we reveal our truth self to the World the more true understanding that would occur. Living would stop hurting because all we share is love. There are more souls that are soft and compassionate like me I know this because I read her words. I felt her hope. I felt her sorry. I could only imagine her horrific despair. If you wonder who it is I have so much in common with, she is someone you could relate to her as well. Her name is Anne Frank and she lived here once. I can still be everything that she can’t.

In this World where we can turn on those we love at the turn of a dime for a dime all my hope is once again shattered for this world. I am so confused on how many became everything and something as love for each other became scarce. At times I feel like I am losing my mind. I cry for those who can no more and I find comfort in my sweet baby bird. She dances in my hand like Sunshine and sings the happiest of tunes. That is what it feels like to me anyways. My moods have been shifty even more so these days but Miss Anne sure had the right idea when she said nature fixes everything. When you look into the eyes of any animal, especially one you connect with a certain magic transforms the best of you. For the first time between you, you are filled with faith that neither one will say or do a thing to hurt the other. Sure a first she did bite, as I am sure she will one day do again but holding her in my hands all my cares literally fly away. One thing to add to our budding friendship is today she flew around the room and even landed on my head. Through no words we were able to establish a connection. Wouldn’t that indicate that we should be able to establish the same bond with a human?

It is impossible for us humans to develop that kind of connection. For one reason I think it is our emotional IQ. Right? I had no idea such a thing existed but they say it is more important than your intellectual one. For starters if you are not in control of your emotions there is no telling what will occur. They compare the effects to a tsunami. The effects may never truly be known. You can never guarantee who is on the other side of your emotional collapse or the aftermath that is surely to find you. I don’t want to be responsible for another person’s mood or potential outburst. But reading through this book “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” I would have to say there was a time when I had little or none. If you pissed me off I wanted you to hear about it. I wanted the ripple affects effects to be felt through my lifetime and then some. I realize now I don’t like the responsibility or the power. Life is to fleeting for me to want to be like that anymore. Being aware of who we are and our potential triggers is the biggest service we can pay to ourselves. We have to get it out of our heads we owe anybody anything. Sit there and truly imagine those that have ALWAYS been there. I can think of a handful that I KNOW without a doubt I can count on. I haven’t utilized those friends in that way because I don’t want o burden them. I consider them my diamond’s in the rough and I try to shelter them as much as I can from the beast that runs free in me.

I hear a lot of people complaining about the year and how they can’t wait for it to be over. Other than the pandemic circumstances there isn’t much that I wish to change. I was still in control of my days and lived in them accordingly. I divulged myself in the lives of so many before me and a vast array of other subjects. I dressed everyday because no matter what the World was saying I was still The Face of Daisy USA/CAN 2020. To me it was an honour to be bestowed the title even the economics and health of the world wanted to turn it into something else. Instead of planned photoshoots I had to modify the way I would be an Ambassador for such an incredible line. I wasn’t about to give up because life was still worth living. My budgie had babies on 3 separate occasions. Daisy being the first to survive. She has two more siblings that just hatched and they are just incredible to watch. I am still floored that they (her parents) are s happy and love that they want to pass on the joys of life. They have literally honoured me with their babies to care for. I know they are in captivity and for that my heart breaks. My Grandmother used to sing a song in Russian to me about two little children who found a bird with a broken wing. The bird would cry and cry to be set free. I can barely hear the words but I sure can hear her voice. No matter what happens I am trying to get in control of my emotions and live a better life.

The emotions are what can ruin it for anybody. It truly is what distinguishes a leader from another pest let loose on the World. Maybe this is why I am just shutting myself out from people in general. Not in a rude way but in a way that I know that I can no longer connect. I have gone so deep into myself that I feel like those that I have read about have come alive inside of me. I don’t want to waste time on things that mean nothing or get me nowhere because every second that passes is another second I lose. I have to focus and live in the moment or I begin to get too carried away. Even now I have taken too long away from Daisy. I can here her squawks from the next room. To every being living I wish you all the best in the new year. But do we need a new year to have a new beginning? Every day is a new day to start anew.

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