What is incredibly powerful for me is the ability of life to carry on. With just one tiny cell joining with another somebody appears out of thin air. Where once there was nothing is now the potential of life and within those two cells combining fills with limitless possibilities and strengths. The creation of life is nothing short of a miracle yet we never identify it as being such a way. Think about it. Where once there was nothing there now grows somebody with limitless potential and faith. We grow another being safe inside our womb almost like magic beginning to create. When I look at my son I can’t believe I made another human but unlike other things we make this I will never truly own. Although we made this being growing beside us we have to teach them to own and trust who they are. We have to encourage them to listen to their inner voice on a very personal basis to trust what they are saying after all. My role in his life is merely to guide him, not to own him, and it is an incredibly humbling job. In order to succeed I have to turn down all the outside noise and get to a place where I trust my own judgement. I can’t build from nothing something I don’t even have. The best thing I can do from my son is live for myself and learn to brighten my World with a song. Not really a song but with the spirit of one. Something that moves you deep within. I set goals for myself even when others tell me there is no reason too. I just feel this is something that I need to do.
I don’t mind talking to myself because it forces my brain to think. To weigh out all options and act accordingly and it also has the added bonus of being drama free. Of course I chat with others but when it comes to matters of the heart for now I feel safest in my own company. It doesn’t make you crazy, or maybe it does just a little but if you are constantly doubting your own self talk doesn’t that mean you should put a little more work in getting to know you? My day is filled with so much activity that I have to prioritize all that I want to get down. In order to relieve some of the burden I have allowed myself to accept the fact that some days you can’t get all the way through. I am trying to honour my being and listen to my existence and for once not let others outside opinion influence. When I keep to myself I can sure tell who is true because you can’t be the gossip if you have been remaining mute. At first it came from a deep love of my son. Who doesn’t want to make their son proud. He is a little human and I want him to respect me and admire me when he grows into being a man. He also taught me to be kind and love myself and for all the right reasons and I am proud of that. If I think my son is the greatest and in his eyes he thinks I am great than what kind of douche canoe would I be if I hated myself. Does that make my son wrong in his opinion of me or am I the one with clouded vision after all.
The world is so sick and twisted and no matter what we do as a society it will never go away. There are things we can stop what they are doing too our children but for some reason they won’t stop using our children as prey. What enters into the mind of somebody who can hurt children I will never be able to understand. I try to imagine how that would feel as a parent of a child who has been victimized. To be robbed of their innocence and no law will ever prosecute because they are friends with so and so who has all the money. When an act like this is performed on a child this child will never EVER be the same. It will be harder for them to live up to their true potential because all they can see is the ways the Universe failed them. How can they forgive a God that would allow that to happen? How do they forgive and move on without being haunted the rest of their years. When a monster attacks in enters a new one that will lash and scream forever at the world. In one perverted moment their lives are forever changed and they move onto their next victim. Imagine a world where we all worked together to keep it safe for everyone. Our children is the greatest gift to the World and they should be treated as our greatest assets. We shouldn’t lead them astray and abandon them. We need them as much as they need us too. I am still confused on when and where the purpose of life got so twisted. Is there not a greater experience of creating a new life. New potential. A new destiny. A new future. With each and every new life we have the chance to release something great into the world it is up to use how we start them off to be.
How do you want the world to remember you and how much time do you have? If we knew the answer to that last question we would probably behave a little bit differently. I find I try to live my life authentically. I get less involved in the drama but my inner core never changes. I am loyal to those that are loyal to me and I will never allow somebody I care about to hurt or be bullied. Come hell or high water I know what I stand for and that will never ever change. For all the lies and games I played growing up I am taking accountability for her. I was that way and I know why but I don’t want to throw shade on how I behaved by minimizing it. Through my roladex of pain I am admitting my role in other’s hurt and I am moving on from the event just the same. I use what occurred as a learning tool both for myself and my son when he grows up. There are some experiences I learned a lot from both how to and not to be. However just because I know the outcome of my life I am aware that his path could turn out differently so I just have to empower him with my experience and let him decide for himself. Talk about the hardest challenge letting my son spread his wings and begin to fly. I am preparing for it in many ways but I am still watching over him. The hardest task I find is teaching him manners and patience. There are core behaviour skills that every being should have and that doesn’t really allow much room for how to be.