I want to wallow in my misery I want to marinade in my own self pity. What is stopping me from going further down that way is if I stay there it goes against everything I have been feeling about the Universe and all that. Of course I am sad for the loss but if I believe in anything it is everything happens for a reason. None of us ever want to experience a loss but we pay the ultimate price when we become numb to it. We also can’t run away from the pain so we may as well run full force into it. Everything, everybody, everywhere has to feel something so why not make it worth suffering for. When you reach something painful you have to punch through the wall and see who is there waiting for you. Those are your people you should fight for.

My son right now needs me to be happy. Not because it is the right thing to do but because it is healthy. The love that is missed at the expense of what you could have had makes no sense. Honour those who honour you and see the World in your eyes. We see that spark in those that we love and nothing as purely as a child. In his eyes I can do no wrong so I try very hard to be a good role model. We play and read and use our imaginations as I get him to live fearlessly against the World. It is up to me to heighten his senses so he knows just what to expect. If you narrow his vision to something so small he will never see just how evil somebody can be. Our children now a days deserve our infinite love and need to be taught so many things. If I take too much time seasoned in my grief I could lose so much valuable time. My son, my love, my very first born was already a gift from the Universe to me.  Besides I also believe we are reconnected when we move on so it’s never a good bye it’s a see you later.

To steal away any little bit of joy I had left would be a shame to those who loved us most. Energy never dies it changes form and comes to us in ways and forms we never could have believed. I think it’s fair to say life is painful but think of all the good moments in between. By focusing on the negative we only attract more negative that makes the hole even deeper. “It won’t rain all the time,
The sky won’t fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won’t fall forever.” Were lyrics that always resonated through me. The movie was “The Crowe” and it taught me just how painful life can be. One minute you are on top of the World, then returned to dust scrambling to fulfil your destiny.

It opened up my eyes to things were going to happen anyways who am I to change destiny. I think that is why I am obsessed about learning of the lives of others. They were somebody with hopes and dreams too, why not bring them to life one more time. The things we could learn from each other if we just opened our eyes and than ours. I think something else that has helped for this moment as I have played ever possible heartbreaking moment and let it pull at my heart and strings. If anything it has taught me to have a humble heart and love each other graciously. Every living being is deserving of that. I can’t control what happened. It is already done and gone. My heart still feels the memory and I can use it to do better things with my life than sad. That is always what moved me in trying my best. I had to make those life sacrifices worth it along the way. Not just babies but I mean our friends and loved family members anybody who makes an impact on our hearts. When they go leave imprints that are forever lasting and change how we feel about time. I know it is going to hurt and eventually it will be such an incredible intense pain I will never be able to ignore. But what can I do? Anticipate a moment or try and live my best life till its through. That brings us to the beautiful concept of just living in the moment enjoying each and every minute it as it comes our way. Maybe there are miracles but what if there ain’t? We can sit around a campfire and just breathe in fresh air and enjoy the nature as it is. There is tranquility in the silence that you only appreciate once you are there. My family is my everything and so are a few friends. I want to enjoy what little time we have together for however long it is we have.