Passion. Can you live with it? Can you manage with out it? Does it make a difference either way if you just go on your merry way oblivious to your surroundings and never truly realizing what your full attention could do. Too scared of potential failure so you try to fly ever so low. Low enough not to set off a radar but so low you are barely off the grounds. What could you change if you could change one thing about your day. Would it be how you saw yourself in your eyes would you change what you believed to be what all the other’s saw. When it comes to social anxiety we care more about the potential outcome then we do about setting ourselves free. We would rather become what everybody says we are than actually being all that we can be.
Think of what you have to invest in life. You are your most valuable asset. Within you is so much opportunity if we could just be free of the weight of all the others.Your future risk against your potential reward is how we realize our future profit and how we should evaluate your life. You can’t become anything more than you already are if you do nothing different than you have already done. You have to be prepared to live your life different and stand outside from the crowd no matter how ackward or for how long you stand outside alone. What do you do with something you value do you hold it close or do you keep it away? Away from other’s judgement and accusatory eyes. It is like wearing your favourite dress that makes you feel so beautiful and nobody notices how the colour reflects off your cheeks just so. Maybe it is in the not being recognized that drives you. What if somebody with zero to no class points at your dress in front of everybody says look at that horrendous colour. At least with an outfit we can store it away. Worst case scenario burn it or throw it in the trash. When you display your passion and you are rejected by people you respect it destroys your inner psyche and could have long lasting effects. It is obvious when somebody is insecure of something they have on. The same can be true for the one standing back from the crowd. I always try to recognize how it is I can build up another. Both in a compliment or truly trying to establish a connection. If you have ever been the last one picked in gym class you know the feeling of that I speak. Nobody wants to be the last one standing for something you wore to the dance. Even every shy girl deserves somebody who believes in her, somebody to give her a chance.
I am not scared to live my passion and embrace my life fully in every which way. I value the time I have with my son and the chance to give second homes to so many pets. My passion saves me and it keeps me alive. Sometimes it is merely sustenance and other times it is more nutritious and it helps me to thrive. I cry regularly and I fear death the most. Nothing revs my anxiety into high gear than when I can here the ticking of my life clock. It makes me hold onto my son tighter cherishing all this time. It makes me brush each cat individually and check on my critters daily. I can see how the necessities of life is all that they need. The basic of life that sustain us when all other things have been stripped away. There is no price that one could pay me that would want to change what I have. Life is never perfect there has to be a trade off somewhere. We know this but when the trade off occurs we stamp our feet and defiance and refuse to let it pass us by. I would rather have that moment rush through me and take just a small hold. Small enough to tug at my heart strings when needed to remind me what it is we are all fighting for. We as humans are never happy and we can see it reflected back onto us in so many ways. I think I would rather bite my tongue than be compromised somewhere along the way.
My passion drives me it comforts me when it feels like all others have failed me. It reminds me that as long as I put myself out there I will never regret that decision , especially if it pays off. If my passion is my family than of course I will try again. Try again to add to it as in trying to conceive again. Right now if you ask me if I wanted to try again I would say no. In time though I know that I will have no choice to try again because every fibre in my being says so. I am scared for the same outcome. What if it’s worse? Can it be worse than the inevitable? What if we don’t know what that even is? For now it is putting myself out there and not be scared of rejection. I am in a fundraising pageant Miss Home Sweet Home (https://www.facebook.com/groups/688089351935734/permalink/921446608600006/) where the top 4 of most donations raised makes top 10, the other 6 are picked by the judges. I want more than anything to be pat of the top fundraising crew. We have a chance to do something amazing and pay it forward just like Pin-Ups have a reputation to do. Too raise funds in such a format and finally give back. There is no greater honour in my eyes unless of course that was to deliver the cheque to the winning organization. As I am trying to get people to notice me there is something so glaringly obvious that it would have to be true. If I do exactly what I have always done for attention then I will end up where I have ended up before. I think this time I will approach this as an opportunity to live my life with passion and do something great!!!
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