Thinking in my head where the thoughts are moving a mile a minute I can’t help but thinking that maybe it is me. See if my husband hates me and my dad hates me than common sense it is definitely me. Maybe it is my love for “airing out dirty laundry”.
My body was guiding me very carefully of what I needed to do and I am sharing that story for the one and a millionth who experienced what I did. This story isn’t meant for everybody. Only the ones that need to hear this experience. I hope it helps for them to to move past whatever they are stuck on.
Whatever it is that we believe it is up to us to own it and we shouldn’t feel fear just because it may be different than every one else. There is a reason why we are feeling what it is we are feeling even if it is just to protect our own mind. What would happen if we listened to our own authentic hearts and be damned of other people’s poisons.
We are all on an interesting journey filled with so many incredible ups and even more painful downs. There is nothing that we are experiencing that another hasn’t already faced. I know that seems impossible but there are others living similar lives to yours. No matter the pain, no matter the sorrow what heals them both is the promise of tomorrow.
My favourite advice is just get over it, but how do you just get over something that hasn’t occurred. A week and a half ago I was told there was no heartbeat but I prolonged the inevitable asking for bloodwork. I needed to know from all corners of my heart that my baby was gone and couldn’t be saved.
I never imagined I would be blessed with a rainbow baby and now I have to pray to the heaven’s for two? I know I am not worthy of that kind of salvation. My life was saved when my Schmoo was given to me. I try not to focus on the pain but it is all that I have. Right now I am relying on my three year old to save me and it is such a terrible place to be.
Why be somebody’s nightmare when you can be your own dream come true. Why be the reason why somebody cries every night. Bringing magic into your day to day softens your heart almost in a childlike innocent kind of way. Through the eyes of a child we see with open hearts and never let someone else’s opinion interfere.
Have you ever been so scared of your own shadow you just want to jump and hide away? I would hide away forever if that meant my baby could finally stay. I want to hope for the best but all around me others are trying to get me to accept my fate. To all other’s tomorrow is just another date but for me when tomorrow comes I will finally know my fate.
We are more than selfish in the way we conduct ourselves and you can see it in our holier than though perception of things. We believe it is enough as long as it is not happening to us and provide just enough comfort to make it seem like we aren’t vain.
What is stopping us from living the greatest life we have ever known. Is it the distant whispers from people who don’t matter or is it your own insecurities shining through?