Life As the Obstacle

Be passionate about your life. If you don’t like what you are doing take a few steps backwards than run away. Love your life so hard that you want to tell others what you are doing. You shouldn’t hold shame for who you want to be and what you stand for. Get out of the shadows and get into that light and don’t be scared to send that message that you know in your heart to be right. Don’t hesitate and try to predetermine what their reaction maybe. Be gracious in your attempt to maybe rebuild bridges burned as you wait to see how your oustretched hand is received. I am not scared of you. Are you scared of me. It doesn’t matter what your response maybe to my question as long as you can hear it. Do you believe in your heart that we are friends and maybe one day you can return the favour? Or do we part ways right here and now because damn life is too short to waste it.

You know you never hear me say it much but I grateful for my husband. The idea of my husband is great. He has an amazing work ethic. Loves our son and all the animals. Has a hard time saying no. Wants another child and makes enough money for me to stay home with our family. Without him there is no way I could have all that we do so I am very thankful. You have to consider in all the ways you show your gratitude in the day and for me it is just the experience. To be adored by so many living creatures (cats, dogs, birds, guinea pig and a chinchilla) there is so much gratitude in every day. I am loved. I am worthy and that in itself means alot.

There are those that would never singer your praises when you are out of ear shot and those are the ones you need to set free. There is cordial and there is fake and once you learn to recognize fake it is easy to build a wall. Social circles are vary vast these days and so many have no boundaries. It is easy to want to take things at face value because we want to believe the currency is universal. Not everything is valued the same and I am not here to make friends. I am here trying to male a difference by doing what matters. I am sick of seeing others become collateral damage at the expense of others. Yes we all matter and even me but I will be damned to watch the world get twisted without trying to set it straight.

Not all lies get exposed and either do fakes but when you get bite by the ravenous villan you never forget. The rash that was given or how others treated you. The greatest lie is the one sided friendship where you were the only one who gave. The pain is bittersweet because not every memory was terribly bad. It was only when one started to edge away. Captivated by something while the other fell prey. What I appreciate about what I learned in those friendships that had to come to an end is that I am learning to recognize the ones I had all along. People who gravitate towards you, do so for a reason. It’s rarely for the person you used to be, although the memories could be entertaining. It is because of who you are that is truly intoxicating that in itself I believe to be the biggest compliment. That allure of another’s presence that keeps you longing for more. There is not that many who can captivate your attention for very long but when you find them hang on. Self doubt, self worry, self pity. Anything that drives you away from a deeper understanding of self isn’t something you should immediately be driven from but you should consider the source. Those throwing stones from all angles hoping that one day they may damage and hit is no way to build a lifetime or a legacy. These people are just mere shells of a human being feeding on the despair of others. They don’t trust others because they can’t see anything trustworthy in them selves and that is no way for anybody to be. They quickly pass judgement and jump onto those they think can carry their weight but they will crumble once again just like before.

We spend our whole lives trying to build something that is not going to last and cherish those that one day will never be as well. What we have right in front of us is the moment we need to live for whether we want to dissect it or take it all in as it comes. My life in almost solitary confinement with nothing but my animals and husband and the odd visit from the in laws has made me open my eyes wider than I never thought possible. For those who speak poorly without even knowing all the facts show me how unwillingly they are to truly change. It is easy to get on board with the opinion of the moment and tried to ride it for all that it is worth. Real friends took the low road almost like they thought it was going to benefit them but all it did was open my eyes up so wide. My life is only worth what I deem it to be and I don’t need anybody else coming up with their own facts. I appreciate the time and space I find myself in the good, the bad and the ugly because it is going to help shape my son and his destiny. The more obstacles you learn to overcome and trouble that you face you can only come out stronger don’t you think?

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