Some are trying to say the least. The onslaught of negative energy that has found you hardly let’s you come up for air. Each day is a challenge in itself. It started with my son crying for an over for what would be for seemingly nothing. He is at the change where he knows change is coming but he is prepared to fight the change every step of the way. So of course as he was crying I was trying to be patient and remember how I appreciate his existence in my life. Even the version that is kicking and screaming at me. Of course I wanted to soothe him but for whatever reason his usually techniques were not doing the trick. Eventually his cries began to subside and we were able to go about our day. For me it wasn’t just any idea. I had been planning all week for an interview that coincides with the pageant that I am (The Miss Home Sweet Home).
During these times, especially these ones life can be a challenge. It is hard to determine if our senses our heightened or if they just feel that way from lack of interaction and use. There isn’t too much going on and on-line formats are still the norm. I haven’t seen my mom in over 2 years and with the way the vaccine roll out is here it will probably end up being one more. For all our best efforts all it takes is just one to send us skidding into the dirt and threatening our conscious mind. I want to live more positively and have a more conscious mind but it does seem like the Universe is keen on tormenting me. Hell have no fury like a woman scorned. The Universe has to be female. Who else is the creator of life. The male carries the seed but we, we female, become the nurturer and protector of all life. Take a look at any life, especially when they sleep. Usually every life curls into the form that they would sleep when they were first in the womb. It is hard to form any amount of anger when you see the sweet innocence of a sleeping being. Almost like they are at peace with their world and existence no harm will ever find them there.
I am used to obstacles. Anytime I try to do something that I think will have a positive impact on my life I am met with intense resistance. Anybody else remember my adventure to Yuba or to Toronto? In summation while I was trying to get to Yuba I first was rerouted to San Francisco and when I arrived in Toronto they had cancelled my rental and had ZERO intentions of reactivating it. I guess my husband’s VISA debit was good enough to hold it but they do actually require a credit card. Not helpful. Not at all. In both scenarios things ended up working out but the anxiety that danced with me almost took me to new heights. The only event that I attended after was at the Winnipeg Tattoo Show and that show is the reason why I continue to be open. When you find yourself in the presence of such humble greatness you can’t help but get intoxicated from the energy. Maybe it was reuniting with an old high school friends or maybe it was meeting a line-up of girls with humble hearts. I believe it was a combination of both that had me on cloud 9. I guess the Universe gave me one last outing before taking them all away. Within weeks the whole world would be fighting an illness that we are still searching for answers too.
I know I am meant to be larger than life and to not let my shy, meek intentions get in the way. That is why I love my Pin-Up persona. She is able to be all things that I am not. You don’t like me well fine maybe you will relate to her. She is my alter ego after all. Almost all of us need an image to hid behind from he cruel outside world. The fact that the world is cruel is also puzzling to me. If we are each accountable for our own actions why are there so many problems? Or treat others like you would hope that they would treat you. Should be relatively simple don’t you think? My image is everything to me. Not that I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t have her but she is my outreach to the outside of the world. My story wouldn’t have been extreme if it wasn’t designed to help somebody else. Isn’t that what life is all about? Learning from the mistakes of others and trying to find a better, more efficient way? To say I was excited for my National interview was an understatement, who could help but stare at the clock and count down the minutes. I guess maybe it was my fault for letting the negative thoughts creep in but theirwere alot of variable that needed to fall into place in order for this to take place. We were prepared. Or so we thought.
First off as I was preparing the bathroom, don’t ask I am confident the interview will still go through just a lil delayed so that is all the information I will give you, and my son was content helping me. Then all of a sudden his mood changed. It was his bathroom and he hated the décor and he started throwing everything around including my plant. Dirt every where.! With only 2 hours to go before go time I ran downstairs to get a broom and. My husband arrived ho pan when my son locked the door to the bathroom. In a frenzy I tried to get scared of what he was going to do next. I guess my concern was for the wrong thing because when I finally got in he was in another cupboard spraying all the bug killer and lysol bathroom spray and it was impossible to determine if he ingested any of it at all. My husband was calling as I stripped my son and threw him in the tub to hose him off. There is a reason why people don’t like to be honest beaus they don’t like how their honesty will be received. Through the names my husband told me to call poison control so I hung up and did just that. When you call poison control they take all your information probably to record the event and make sure it isn’t reoccurring. Whatever the information they needed I was going to give it because my pride was not worth my son’s life so I was going to be 100% honest no matter what. Thankfully both products weren’t high risk they told me signs to watch out for and that was that. With an hour to go I think I can still make it but who am I just an average Jill trying to make a difference in her world right?
To sum up what happened still blows my mind because even I couldn’t predict it. My husband’s cat, who he attributes to his sobriety, just sauntered right out the side door. I mean I was trying to find my husband and she brushed right past me and leisurely just disappeared out of sight. One minute I was looking at her furry back side trying to register what just happened then I was calling out for my husband. I couldn’t believe she was gone. As it was all happening I tried to think of what I appreciated in the moment just to stop my mind from going insane. I grew up on a farm near a highway. I watched more cats get hit by cars than I care to admit. And I don’t mean the aftermath. I have watched my beloved pet cross and not make it to the other side. The longer she was gone the more scared I became but as I looked around I found out what I could be appreciative for. Those that I asked and even our neighbors were very receptive and sympathetic to our pet. It gave me a little faith in our neighborhood and maybe an insight to what’s to come. I never made my interview ( I couldn’t imagine faking being happy during all this) but the lovely lady rescheduled so we all have that to look forward to. And for those that are wondering what happened to my husband’s cat. Well that cat eventually did come back.