The Calm In Isolation

What I like about the isolation is the incredibly quiet and calming feeling one gets with no outside noise. What I fear about the isolation is wondering if that is all we are destined to become. What if when die we are only comforted by our memories. Our whole lives played for us on constant replay. There is no way that scenario could possibly be true. If that were true imagine the horrors some would be forced to live through no fault of their own. All they wanted was too exist until somebody decided they didn’t want them too. What horrible vultures take the lives of the innocent? It isn’t just the taking of lives it is stealing their uniqueness, robbing them of innocence we see it everyday but we are too scared to stand up and stand in their way. Maybe it is because we are tired of being hopeless, being laughed at. Or maybe it is just simply we were born to stand out. For whatever the reason we were born to live differently, love freely and speak boldly because there is no other reason for the pain endured, unless of course it was to help other’s reach out.

Isolation in its purest form is like sitting  in a meadow after a rainfall. Taking in all the smells and freshness that the rain washed away. Even your salty tears become diluted with the forgiveness in the air as you can only look forward to the promise that new life begins. It is in the innocent way an animal looks up to you as their companion with so much trust in their eye and nothing but love. Not any type of love. Unconditional love. The type of love that has laying awake at night checking our phones for the millionth time hoping that the one we love finally texts back. That kind of love doesn’t recognize time as we search for the answers that never come. Alone in our own uniqueness we don’t have to fall prey once again. We find comfort in our solitude because it is there we will never be betrayed.

People confuse being a loner as being alone. There must be reasons why nobody gravitates towards hers or could it be that it was she prefers. After being stung by too many bees you tend to be weary of your next step. Is there such a thing as being too cautious or have you built up an immunity instead? In this convoluted world we find ourselves in our experience has been numbed. We have spent 1000’s of centuries relishing in another’s misery instead of becoming all that we can be. We let tyrannt’s dictate to us their standard of living as they live above average submitting to their luxurious needs. They will eat $1,000 caviar simping on their priceless champagne while somebody feeds their family of four from the dumpster below. Why is this normal? The rich get richer and the poor rots away and dies. Somebody’s hope for the future disinigrates into nothing while other’s party long into the night. At least in your own company you don’t notice how divided the world haa become. Here in your own darkness you feel safe from the outside world.

Alone in the silence you don’t have to believe the rumours of so called friends. You can appreciate what is right in front of you, you can make it so your happiness never comes to an end. Free from worry and a subjective cry your biggest worry is your own poisoned mind wondering if you were able to cut them off in time. In this world so competitive it is unrealistic for only one just to win. Each and every one of us should have a life that fills us with pride but it is seems to be a rarity for us to actually have. People act like you can’t hear the whispers even though you have stood their in silence  with nothing to add or to say. Who do you become when nobody notices or is it then that you find yourself finally free. I have spent my whole life chasing after another’s love. I thought when I caught it life would finally make sense.

Think of a balloon weighted to the ground in front of you anchored by anothers limitations. It wants to be carried by the wind of intentions to fly happy and carefree. Than another has come along and decided to use the balloon for decoration trying to use their display to win over others with hardly anything else to say. It’s hard as you watch your dreams of friendship blow away. What you thought were terms of endearment were actually passive agressiveness until something better came along and took them away. Nobody likes to be sidelined or picked last to play ball. I would rather be my first pick than somebody else’s last or worse yet nothing at all.

Life when we first experience it seems so shiny and new. We want to soak in every minute and meet as many new people as we can. We aren’t scared, maybe hesitant and it is here where our reactions arw born. Along the way we make it seem that what we really love and want becomes the almost impossible to obtain. Our first crush doesn’t crush on us, we fail our first test. Our dreams start to crash around us and we begin to focus on all the ways it is that we think we will fail. We let other people’s opinions influence everything about us. We become scared to dress, scared speak, scared to live and scared to just be. I used to avoid certain places out of fear of being beat down. I understand the fear bestowed upon the bully I feel like I lived forever that way. Forty years of experience has taught me one thing. You never get scared of just trying but maybe still have fear from the sting.

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