We have all heard of deja vu but few of us recognize it’s alter ego vuja de. Vuja de quite simply is the repetition of mistakes. The consistent nature in which we are destined to keep eroding our own self worth as a nation and not as a soul is deafening. We repeat the same incestuous mistakes like the next time around we may do so a little differently. It has never been all type of people who have ruled heavy with an iron fist and blood for miles dripping heavy at their feet. Look deeper into the abyss below and you can see the true terror lapping away at our shores. Who we were back then are now fragments of the remainder of who we were destined to be. We don’t stand up strong in our convictions hell bound to make it right. We blend in and amongst the shadows thinking it is here we will be reserved and saved to see another light.

I am making similar mistakes to what my parents encountered in like a parallel Universe kind of way. When we try to coerce our children from making a choice that we believe to be is right. We rob them of the chance of becoming their own true image in their best light. We replayed our very own worst nightmares in a c hose ‘Your Own Adventure’ story except for it is us that is playing with their destiny. No mistake is ever truly made the same way twice. We do try to distort the eventual outcome in every possible way. In the heat of every moment we need to ask ourselves if it is worth all this crying and even is it worth feeling all that pain. I used to live the same nightmare over and over again. In some ways I still do. Anytime we relieve a certain a day over and over again praying for a different outcome. We know nothing will ever change and in some ways we truly don’t want it to. But if possible can I steal away 30 seconds when I believed anything and everything was at all possible. I used to think if I tried hard enough if I became good enough I would be worthy of undying love. I have grown to realize I need to be my first true love. I need to be the person that I never thought I was worthy enough of being. Even more so in having somebody kind enough and simple enough. Somebody like I used to be. I wanted to be the girl I was before I was made to believe anything different. That sweet innocent girl looking for her one true love. If fate would have told me that I would only happen upon him once I think I would have breathed the air in his presence a little slower. Imagine have to carry a memory like it just happened to you yesterday. One day life had so much meaning then poof did I even exist?

Once you become a mother you begin to prepare for the next step in your life where you have to let your babies go. They aren’t your babies forever and you have to have faith when you send them away. Faith that out of your presence they will still know what to do and how to act. That they will live their lives most graciously and never intend to hurt others or want to get back. We let them go blindly to do who knows what. Every killer was also another’s apple of heir eye. Imagine that. Somebody can hold somebody so lovingly after they ripped another to shreds. We will have the monster laying next to us and we would never know it. Never in our heads. Even when the truth is exposed how do we come to terms with all that was done. The lies that were told the betrayal that was had, so many lives that had no option but to go bad. Mothers are an incredibly confusing species. They can kill their young in almost the same breath that they would kill for their young. Maybe generalization to just mothers is to strong. Humans in general are capable of the most horrendous things. To each other, their parents, friends, neighbours, strangers you name it there is somebody somewhere that is thinking of horrible things. There should be nothing more disgusting than the acts that humans have engaged on each other. The acts of hate, murderous rage, self gratification. All at the expense of another and at the expense of their own sanity.

How can we change the direction of hate and rage that has plagued every nation for centuries. If it wasn’t Persia at War it became the Anglo’s then the First Settlers to America then Germany and more. Every period of time had their own psychopath it seemed that wanted to conform the world. Millions and millions of innocent lives are being ravaged for little to no reason. Hate, power, rage has controlled most of our stereo types. They have put limitations on our ability to see the future in a more clear, concise picture. No life is ever worthy of something more just because of those they took advantage of. We are quick to point fingers but are we even pointing the right ones? It was a lot easier when we had something so obvious to separate and have each other. Now that we might have to engage in an intelligent conversation to determine an individual self worth we cringe. We completely freeze up and cry. Emotions when heated spread like rapid fire and spread across many. Many more than we can ever imagine at an impact we couldn’t foresee preparing for. With history bound to repeat itself we have better learn by our mistakes. One to live more honestly and the other to do what it takes.