As a species we long to be listened to, we spend our whole lives looking for acceptance and in the absence of these we begin to lose our minds. Without a sliver of a respect from anybody the laughter that we hear always seems like it is directed at us. Our whole lives seem like we are moving towards the ultimate goal of feeling loved and accepted. Be it with our friends, family, or even on the internet we hunger for somebody who understands. Nobody will truly ever understand because all of our hearts beat at different frequencies. What is devastating for one is nothing to another and fairly to see eye to eye will result in a fight. Isn’t that what is common what we perceive to be a lack of understanding or is it a lack of entitlement after all. There has always been a struggle for power. We see it unfold right in front of our eyes. When it comes to what we can’t see there is no short of daydreams, I mean I like to think I can read between the lines don’t you.
When does one appear humble or is it seemingly taking advantage of. When it comes to actual facts and the cover up to portray them who does one believe? What I find almost a little bit too confusing is who we want others to believe that we are. There is so much being recorded and that potentially could mean forever so you have to always I speak about is from experiences combined together behave accordingly to the eyes. I can only tell you how exhausted I am from all this perpetual tango, my eyes forever crossed. I suspect there isn’t too much respect out there for me. I can’t risk being caught again out in the crossfires so I will just say what I know and the impact that it has on my life. What I have combined is m interruption to how it felt with the implied assumption of how the other party felt. More often than not we mirror back the qualities that another is reflecting back onto us. Isn’t that the number one way to get somebody to notice you? Flattery? It is hard enough being in a room without knowing who your real friends are or what is being said behind your back. All we have is our intuition and a free spirit to guide us back.
Sometimes I wonder why it is I am so strong headed and how many friendships it has probably taken away from me. But for that I begin to realize that it comes down to that when somebody has never experienced your story or even a hint of your pain it is incredible hard for them to relate to you. Your smile lights up the room but mine has so many secrets tied to it making it damn well impossible for you to understand. I relate better to victims then those that have transitioned into life effortlessly. It was only a matter of time before my fortress locked itself back up. This time though I have chosen to put my pain out on display. There can be no more suffering if I set it free into the heavens instead of keeping it down here on Earth with me. Sometimes I catch myself “staring” out my window. Truth be told my eyes are closed and I Daisy is by my side dreaming with me. We listen to the wind and all the secrets it carries and I like to imagine it has being the same wind that has washed over every man before. Does the wind ever stop or does it just slows and carries the wishes from the living back to the dead. I wonder if they watch our lives play out like a movie and if we still our hearts can we listen to what is they might say. The secrets of life seem so easy. Live intentionally full of love and purpose and most of all live simply and don’t forget to be kind.
If only it were that simple. A killer doesn’t turn to one over night like we all want to think. It is an erosion of the mind, a lack of acceptance that pushes hit them beyond the brink. Imagine in elementary school trying to make friends and like an outcast you just get laughed at and shunned. You are last picked for all the games and at lunch time you sit in the corner of the field eating your bread sandwich alone. When you get home your mother is either working or your dad is drunk off his ass. Nobody is going to cook for you and it would be a cold day in hell before anybody asks you about your classes. So you do what you do playing dark games and growing deeper, darker into despair. You search for like minds out there somebody who might seem to care. After years of trying to fit in you have now bended your mind so far that you begin to hate everybody you see. Death is now the option for all those kids who used to laugh at me. It is impossible to have a healthy mind when the whole world around you ignores you and continues to eject your best efforts. This is why I stand so far back because it is impossible to see inside those shadows. I feel at home here because I have spent so many years hiding. Putting my nose to the grind to make ends met I didn’t have to pay attention it. When it has all began to settle I see the errors in my ways. Not every one was the enemy there are those who meet your demons and are not too scared to stay. What I recognize through all our timelines is we all have a lot to say. Some things that make us broken and some things best served for another day. I have played the victim far to long by thinking I deserve no basic human compassion. Compassion is for all of us the dying and for the living.