They say bad news comes in threes. I say bad news is open to finding those who are looking for it. Maybe not looking for it but expecting it. No matter the face I put on for the day I could feel the energy creeping up on me. I tried to stay calm. I tried to stay in control but no matter how hard you try to hide the inevitable will always happen. I remember what it felt like sanding up tall, so proud of my accomplishments but then one by one they began to slip away. It was in the way my friend last hugged me and watched me walk away. My tea cup was still in the sink. I wish I stayed longer just to be near you one last time. Somehow visiting your grave doesn’t feel the same. You lying there 6 feet under with your pants on, to know you. That was life’s greatest gifts. Only you would leave this Earth on a sunny day then blanket us with snow. My tears comfort me in my silence as I try to remember you in vain.
Thoughts don’t escape me how we are all here now and soon not at all. A friend could be looking in your window for the last time to see if you are still home. We cling to the bodies that we remember hoping for any sign of life at all. I will never forget what it felt like to see you lying there, very much cold and dare I say dead. I didn’t want to leave you just like your mom and wife did the same. It became more about being there for them and you, well for you in the sense I am with them. To think in one second everything we know could be gone. There is no terror like getting woken in the early hours of the morning to hear that somebody who has living has now passed on. My husband’s co-worker danced his last dance for the last time. Yesterday he was still breathing now this morning no air will ever escape his lips again. This friend dealt with his addiction alone. Too afraid to expose his own truth. When he left this world this morning he left it so suddenly leaving those who loved him far behind. Imagine if we would have known what kills us in the end. Would we do everything we could to avoid it or would we confidently hold up our heads.
There is still one more coming and this one we can’t alter the course. I will talk about it ever so briefly because it is touching my heart and I need to let go. Although this land is for the living there is one more obstacle we have to move through before we can let go. It is the connection we have to what we leave behind and how free we feel once we pass through. My friend who moved through this space said he was sorry for hurting us all. Although he was in no more pain it was what he reduced us too made everything so hard. Those who leave us suddenly never meant to break our hearts its just the demon running through them could not be controlled or tamed now they can finally find some rest. I will never believe that death is meant to torture us to make us pay for some of our sins. Millions of innocent people died for no reason, absolutely none at all. They weren’t even allowed to die a humanely death. They were starved, beaten and tortured by OTHER humans how do we ever rectify that? How do we cleanse the air between those that have died and the living? Don’t you think we need to acknowledge and honour those who died at the hands of somebody’s perverse ideology of living. Imagine your only crime was being born at the wrong time to the wrong family. Now pay for this absurdity by watching your loves perish and die.
We have to find a way to heal the energy that has broken us. The energy that still divides us and gets in the way. There are those who still want ramification or revenge. And there are more who just want an acknowledgement of what other men had taken away. There are hard facts that show just how inhumane some of our ancestors actions have become. You can’t wash your hands of it because this sort of behaviour stems back from it’s original original and birth. Since knights raided kingdoms how did they handle their enemies the ones they clashed into war with? They raped their women, enslaved their man and beheaded their rulers, “Be off with their heads!”. This grotesque means of torture has been handed down threw the hands of time. This is where the division has come and this is where the middle class has become suppressed over all these years. We aren’t being saved we are feeding off each other. Still drinking the blood of our ancestors and becoming enraged in the process.
So here it is another overdose that has come and gone. A young life taken to early for what, financial gain? He was working, he was living, he seemed to be doing alright. But then came the demons that came alive in the night. We have no idea what others are facing yet we give an opinion to quick. I think about the times I felt pushed over the edge with just four little worlds. In a world with such anonymity like everybody is playing a game it is hard to see who is genuine even worse who is a friend. At least he has found some peace now coming alive in our dreams. There is nobody there chasing him he has finally been set free.