Fearful by Love

In the darkest corners of your heart what is your biggest fear? Do you even know what drives you as you make your way through one timeline to the next. Whatever is in our heart is what also sets our soul on fire. Once we recognize what that it is than there is a feeling that nothing can stop you. Ask yourself honestly what drives you? Are fear and the truth the same? Is it love? Is not finding your true love your, your own piece of happiness drive you to do almost anything? I have love and I have experienced true love and it almost seems like these two things aren’t able to be the same thing. When you feel that electric current surge through your body with just a single touch. It’s like in that one single moment you have no idea where your body ends and theirs begins. You can’t breathe, think, move or do anything. Angels saved me from indulging in the only truly love I have ever known. Say what you will about angels but I feel them everyday. They remind me what would be lost if I would have lost my mind and heart that night. Destiny has a way of nudging you in the right direction. Fate intervenes just to remind you how cruel life can be.

So is it love that you fear that you will never find? There are many different types but when it comes to love we prefer to stay blind. We close off our hearts from any other possibility. That in essence can’t be right. If the mate that your soul recognizes has chosen a life of dishonourable things doesn’t it make more sense to live a better life than heading down the wrong path. What if you watched half of you ruin their own life. Do you set the other half of you on fire or do you try and do the right thing? Pick up the pieces of a shattered heart from off the floor and use those pieces you find to build a new heart from other hearts experiencing the same thing. No heart wants to feel abandoned, good for nothing or best suited for the trash. We all want o find love somewhere even when we become the most broken. It is crazy what people will do for it to get it and even crazier to keep it. Love drives even the sanest individual crazy having him doing notorious things. Being rejected will destroy even the strongest being. Why me? Why her? Kill him. Hate her! So much negative energy for just being. Love was never meant to be so infinite or so ending. Evil kills off their family so they can run off and love again. Love doesn’t destroy or tarnish or maim and so man others treat it like it is a game. So many lives lost because of this one simple feeling. But it isn’t that simple. Never has been. Never will be.

Love could be said to be evil because in one more twist of fate. It will rob you of your loved one keeping him living running on empty. They keep the body alive while the mind has gone off and wandered to greener pastures and happier times where father time has yet to go. Flooding their memories with visions of loved ones passed keeping him and them alive but only in a drug like stupor. You your still alive mind sharp as a whistle but your body still longs for him and doesn’t want to give up yet. Do you go and face a human you loved at one time but who may no longer recognize you? Or do you go and visit and hold their hand hoping they might remember you. What a final kick in the pants for both who once loved so deeply now it is reduced to nothing at all. Does the heart still beat faster or does it just pump to appease them all. How long does the living remember those that passed on? My blood runs cold when I think of that day. That day when all that I am and all that I have is now worth absolutely nothing to nobody. Nobody to speak of my memories. Nobody to hold onto the gifts I cherish most. That is what is so important about having a family, making a legacy. Sometimes that true love is not the reasonable decision. Sometimes you go with the obvious the path more forgiving. The bigger picture of life dictates what it is you need most. In the absence of true love I needed to surround myself with so much your head will begin to spin. I am happy and I am fulfilled because I made myself that way. I chose to keep on living happy even in the absence of what others believe to be out other half. Sometimes the choices of others will impose a life sentence that you don’t really want. You can’t have everything. There is a reason why we aren’t supposed to have our cake and eat it too. Over indulgence leads for a weaker heart if not taken under control. One to last a life time then all that is left is to let go. Running to fast in the wrong direction is bound to cause a crash. Maybe meeting in the middle will work out to be best. My heart believes what it believes after all I am only human. I have to believe in something and it has always been this. I don’t know what makes me feel this way and keeps me feeling this way still. Maybe because when it comes to true love those simple moments will always last you a life time. Unlike Romeo and Juliette the reminder of love urges you to go on. To live a better life in their sacrifice until you one day meet again. It isn’t shameful to take care of your own heart. I think that is why we live attached and make decisions a part.

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