What is confidence? Is it something we are all worthy of or is it something for a few select few? No matter who you are or what you say you can’t deny taking an extra second or two to do a once over any time you pass a mirror. Looking for out of place hairs, stray whiskers or even agonizing over those crows feet. When it comes to aging you either try to convince yourself you are aging gracefully or run the risk of looking like an over inflated balloon. We care so much about everybody else’s opinion yet we should really only consider our own. I know it’s hard with all these genetically engineered Barbie dolls but isn’t it best to be comfortable in your own skin instead of keeping your securities within.

I wonder if the world prefers to be monotone because we think it takes judgemental stares away. Who wants to dress wildly to go shopping only to be laughed at under pursed lips? I know when I go out I am being critisized. Like a who does she think she is dressing like that? She must be going to soms costume party or something. Nah all you guys I dress for me. I have one maybe two pairs of leggings from my maternity days and a few pairs of jeans (most of them ripped). When I dress casually it brings my mood down. Putting on make-up makes me smile at my art and for the most part it’s a shield against crying. As for dressing myself up? That I do for a variety reasons all of them stemming towards me liking what you see.

You do get treated differently when you look all put together. Sometimes all you need to do to put all those sideway glances to rest is smile confidently and be polite. Try to compliment the offending party but it has to come from a genuine place. There is no need for retaliated bad behaviour because a real lady could care less about stooping down to their level. Everybody wonders  if I am concerned about getting such beautiful clothes dirty. What would be the sense of having a full closet if you only wear one or two things? They only dirt I care about is what is being slung around by others. Life deserves to be celebrated and lived and I prefer looking good doing it, don’t you?

I find confidence is something that is found most simply in a smile. You can always tell if nerves are getting the best of them based on what is happening between the ears. Think of the last time you genuinely smiled. I am talking smiled so hard your cheeks hurt that makes you smile even more. Than consider the last time you waivered in confidence and how ackward that smile was to wear. It’s tough right? Anytime I have felt insecure I am sure it’s very obvious to all that can see. Usually it is just nerves from being in new surroundings with new faces because you never know who you might see. Nobody likes to be blindsided, especially me.

So how is it something we can work towards, is it possible to accept ourselves for all that we can be? Does it matter what others are saying and do we always have to be brave? Or is there serenity in knowing that we are perfect in the image that we are? Is anybody truly perfect or is it more being perfectly happy for the beautiful life we have been given? Can we resist the temptation of looking at ourselves and hating what we see? The lives that we have been living have been made to keep us feeling low. All these chemicals and fast food wear away at our internal salvation and peace. How can they not? Everyday we ingest things that have been designed to harm us in a bid to keep us running on empty and unfulfilled. Life was designed to live simply as we were all given the necessary tools to live and survive. With millions being zombiefied by Hollywood, social media and whatever other toxic medium seeks into our brains. Will we ever be good enough to survive in the new social normal the media upstream? When you finally stop trying to make it up stream your natural instincts will begin to flourish and beam. With every species there is the natural instinct to do what we need to survive. Unless you are human you will do everything to fail even resisting to thrive. Isn’t that what makes living difficult? Resisting who we are in order to please everybody else?

No matter what you do for a living be it a stay at home mom, banker, travel booker, waitress, beautician, librarian, sandwhich artist, I have done them all. What doesn’t change no matter your role is how you perceive yourself and how you allow others to treat you. Yes I have worn many hats but that is because I drew a line of what I deemed acceptable behaviour. Nobody put baby in the corner if you know what I mean and that includes the ones who paid me. I was always confident in that. Maybe it was overflowing confidence from growing up watching Friends but I was never going to allow anyone to give me that fear. I would do whatever it took to land on my feet without burning bridges along the way. Do you know what I mean? Telling lies, playing all sides. How can one have true confidence when you are wondering who is selling you out or talking behind your back, am I right? A real lady smiles in good company not because she is wondering whose mascara she can ruin that day but because she genuinely cares and wants to be your friend. Confidence is whatever allows you to be who you were destined to be free of fear of ridicile and bad friends.