I don’t want to waste my life when others were so hopeful. Doesn’t that seem absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. I don’t like my appearance I live in a time when I can change it. I can cut and dye my hair, tatty up my skin to hide my scars, I can pierce and brand my body till my hearts content because that is what was rewarded to me by my ancestors laying down their lives for my freedom and sins. I could have lived my own dreams but I was to scared to dream them. Wasting away the days until I am finally free.
There is no hidden tricks. No secrets for us to find. Just a sisterhood of beauty and make-up where we get paid along the way. I am tired of funding somebody else’s dreams, children’s braces or even tuition. I can do it all myself and I can do it all by looking good. That’s what made it simple by committing to myself for only 6 months. I know I am worth it and I know you are worth it we all have a dream we are working towards and we all deserve to be surrounded by love and happiness while being our true authentic self.
From as young as we can remember it was go to school and be nice and make lots of friends. That is all fine and dandy unless you are the shy kid in the room then everything seems personal. I grew up on a farm where chicken were our friends we didn’t need to find a way to communicate it just happened and it just was, now you have to add in a variety of different personalities and flavors and let the mix decide. Children can be mean but adults are meaner. Children are still trying to find out there place in world where adults have already given up and assumed. It still bothers me that some I knew from high school hate me and I have no idea why. We aren’t the same children that we were.
We have to start enjoying our journey and anything we can do to correct our course. Bad storms do happen and we can weather on thru them but we have to be humble when we ask for some repairs and support. Not all will understand us and that is ok to leave them somewhere waiting in our dust.
We are all out here struggling but we have been conditioned to believe that we should be ashamed. It wasn’t nature that made us this way but the expectations that were handed down onto us forever scarring us from the inside out. I was just a little girl until adulthood struck me forcing me to make decisions that I couldn’t even understand. There are so many of us forming nodes that make it impossible to know our real intentions until later in life. It is impossible to heal from trauma in a world that would rather medicate than acknowledge.
I think about my Grandmother with her log built home and floor of dirt, down filled comforters and pillows that were collected by hand. She only had a few dresses and a fancy one for family gatherings. She lived a great life, I loved her dearly there is no way she was ever a waste. To not appreciate the differences and see how lucky we are how can we keep on wasting it shamelessly. Worse yet how can you impose your opinions onto others making them feel like they don’t belong. We have so much power within us but we have become powerless to release it nor motivated to stop it.
I am just a girl who is in love with the world, no longer afraid of her voice, her reflection not even her own shadow. Hate me for loving this body that I am confined in. Instead of destroying and vandalizing my body and my name I will become a beacon a safe haven for others to do the same. I dare you to live differently at least take a chance. Make your life worth it before we are out of breath from our last dance.
What is the point of asking me if you were just going to send them anyways. Maybe I wouldn’t be so overly annoyed except for their was no thought process made when taking this many pictures from all sorts of angles trying to entice me to ride. What I noticed in this outward display of his anatomy if this is his most prized possession why didn’t he take more time and care in his photography skills. The lighting seems off and I am not sure if I doctor is required but I am 99% certain these weren’t taken with more than a wayward thought after a trip to the loo.
What do I know really, how could I have possibly been on the down and out. Just some 38 year old sleeping on the basement floor going back to school living pay check to pay check. I had two jobs and had taken out a student loan and then I found somebody more broken then me. I know I am unloveable that was my curse from being a teen but my husband has just been unlucky in love more so than me.
Dance like no one is watching to the music in your heart and in the first time in a long while take a deep, cleansing breath and exhale. We have all had a lot of one on one time, depending on where you reside in the world, and coming out the haze on the other side we either like who we have become or we detest our own being. Either way this is who we have defined ourselves to be. We have either grown content in living a lie or we have found a way to embrace our truth. The road may have been difficult but once out the other side things don’t seem all that bad.