This is who I was born to be and this is why I survived through the fire to this day. People always miskew my intentions and try to blow it up into bigger proportions than it is needed to be. I know what it feels like to wear your favourite outfit and have not one person notice how bright you shine. My very first boyfriend ripped off these very beautiful silk boxers from my body (that my mom bought for me I might add). He held me high to the sky from the waste band until the delicate silk began to tear away. The feeling of being called a whore or a slut just because you like the feel of fabric against my skin. Me? I know I was born to be kind but can I say the same thing about you?
I don’t need a day to tell me to be nice to somebody or try to warm up their mood and their day. A secret a learned long ago was to try and notice the colour of the people you are speaking to eyes. It shows a genuine concern for what they are saying and if you get a deep enough glimpse some skeletons might reveal a little something you might begin to heal. That deep shade of blue shadow on your eyes, honey I got you. I know the courage it took to put on something so bold and let me tell you not only do I see the twinkle in your eye but it pulls the whole look together. We don’t intentionally go out looking and feeling our worst, we aren’t dressed by our parents anymore so why behave like children? It took a long time to find my place in this superficial world but I am slowly getting there.
Everybody has something that we can acknowledge and celebrate if we chose too but we have our heads so far up our own asses. We look in the mirror and pick ourselves apart like it is going to help improve our situation. Having a negative self image does nothing for anybody. In fact it will be the quickest friend repellent you will ever know. I no longer entertain bad people. They are not allowed anywhere near my personal space. And good people I am coming for you just sit down and wait. Did you ever get tired of all the silence that the world has forced upon you? No that restaurant is closed, so are the bars, gyms?, absolutely not and team sports those seats are saved for the rich. Where do we go? What do we have to build ourselves up so we can begin to breath again? I got caught up in the only on-line community I have ever known and I allowed them to rip me to pieces and feed on my bones. They tried to make me feel not good enough and even dared greatly to have me become obsolete. What these children didn’t realize is I was never put on this Earth to be ridiculed and entertained by you. Even in my deepest, darkest moments I still have a glimmer of my own self worth. I didn’t need to blow out your candle to make mine burn brighter like you did to me. In fact I dared to be your friend during a time you were feeling so low. Oh how the tables have turned but unlike you I think I am strong enough to survive.
Did you ever get tired of running only to realize that you have been running along with the wrong pack? This has nothing to do with appearance but everything to do with common sense. It’s funny to me that people think that nobody else can hear there whispers but they forget the inevitable button called repeat. If I had a french fry for everything bad thing said about me behind my back I would be happier than a pig in shit. The insecurities that were fed being in the presence of such ignorance cast me in a set of shadows that I could hardly see. It took me hearing the laughter myself to finally see that not all peaceful sheep are minding their own business and grazing some of donned sheep clothing to weed out the pack. I don’t want to be the only one lighting up the night sky it takes a whole lot of like minded individuals to accomplish that feat. I may have become so successful at spotting the lies of others because I spent a lifetime covering up my tracks. Nobody likes to know a woman has lived in an abusive shadow most of her adult life. My error in judgement came because I wanted to love and heal everybody. I wanted those who felt scared to find safety when they found themselves in my company. There were these two men that I would see on my way to work who were very obvious on the down and out. One reminiscence about his children and the other was worried he would waste his life away. The chats we would have over deli sandwiches and juice (and a few cigarettes) made us all feel like equals during that time. I don’t remember their names but I remember their faces even if social media doesn’t remind me of who they once were. The younger man would always say if only I was clean would you date somebody like me? I knew it was more than the tattered clothes he found himself in, he was talking about his demons. The addictions that made him stay on the street and cut him off from his whole family and even his friends. Grabbing his hand and smiling I told that anything and everything was possible and if he ever got clean I would save him a date. The last I heard of him he was at a detox back East, I have no idea if he is happy, clean or sober. In fact I have no idea if he is even alive.
Inside every single one of us we have the power to make somebody a great day. If you don’t believe me try it. Notice something about somebody else. Their shoes, socks, earrings, how cute their accent is. There is a million reasons to be nice to somebody today and only one reason why you wouldn’t. (that one reason being because you are an asshole…enough said.)